That moment when...

...you aren't sure did your 5-year relationship just crash around you because of schoolwork doesn't leave you alone.

Not sure do I even want to live. Tomorrow is going to be hell, if this continues. Suddenly I don't feel like going to see Iron Man 3 in the theatre in Kemi. Seriously I don't. The packing is gonna take all night. Especially now that I got tossed out of our dorm room. I really don't know what to do now.

Last week

The last week is ahead of us and I should brave the wretched weaving again, this time with double cloth. Täkänä is what it's called in Finnish. It's a nightmare. You literally weave two weaves at the same time. I just can't. Nope. No.

Still at home, not for long though, have to brave the traffic again and what's the best, I have no money. Nada.  Have to ask from grandparents again. At least 50€ to gas and 10 is enough to get me something to eat. Unless I try to make some sandwiches. Not feeling like it. Still haven't finished the two I made for Friday.

I'll spent the summer drawing and making jewelry. And losing weight.

Boxes and dust

You would never believe how much stuff we have here. Most of it is going today, some boxes stay in Lapland, as we take them to our friend's storage. Our room is dusty as hell and we are desperately trying to pack and clean, both are in pain and tired. I'm still have to pay for the gas and stuff. I'm exhausted already and my shoulders are killing me. I'm taking a break right now, but should soon head downstairs to my classroom to get the bill signed.

I hate moving. I really, really hate it.

Monday again

Past few times Mondays have been awesome. Today, I'm not so sure, I'm still sitting at my desktop, doing things I should have done on Friday, listening to new Battle Beast and calculating how much money I've lost with this shit.
Two weeks left... Two weeks to finish the silk painting, do these calculations. Teachers most likely don't have time to keep track of everybody. The seconds are working their asses off and whining for them constantly. Oh well.
Doing some serious packing as well, got three more boxes to fill, also got two bags from a friend, which to use. I'm so grateful of what they have done for us, I could cry. In my home area, nobody was ever this helpful.

My poor nerves

I'm going crazy here. Granny clearly doesn't get to talk to anybody, she won't shut up!

Russia - Finland

Watching hockey after a long break. Jesus, what is up with Russia?! They were just fine during the first games, now they suddenly lost to FRANCE and now Finland leads?!

*sigh*

I think not many people understand, what it's like to sit beside someone you care about, someone you love and that person is in serious pain, crying, passing out from the sheer pain. That has been too frequent recently and it's tearing me apart. I can do nothing, but sit beside her, while she takes insane amount of painkillers and only get relief hours later...

Thank god for the doctor's appointment on 10th. I'm running out of strength as well...

Payday and spiders

Working on art commissions and after struggling several weeks with not much money, it's finally payday, the last support for me arrives today. I don't have a summer job, so this summer will be spent with me doing completely crazy and sleepless. And without money. I wished to go to Satama Open Air to see Sonata, and to Tulivuorirock Unplugged, visit Imatra again, Tampere too, but no job, no money.

One of the artworks I was supposed to do was an acromantella. I'm utterly terrified of spiders and even the thoughts gives me goosebumps. Other creature I cannot draw is a horse-spider hybrid. I've never noped that hard in my life. Some people can cure their arachnophobia by getting a spider, the closer I get to a spider and the bigger it is, the closer I am to tears. Just no. Seriously no. I cannot even draw a spider anymore and I definitely can't touch a drawing of one. Even spider crabs are giving me the creeps. I haven't overly advertised in fb or anyplace else that I'm terrified of spiders, because people are such assholes they will post everything about spiders to me. If I see one more spider within a week, I'm gonna cry.

Sucks to be me, I live in the woods. Spiders are everywhere. I can deal with snakes, even some bugs, not those clinging type, I screech and flail and go completely on panic mode if I find one clutching onto me again. I know they are handy... But I don't want to see them. Spiderwebs are... icky... If you wrap clean spiderweb around a small, bleeding cut, the bleeding stops. Or that's what they say.