Slice of Life: Online life

Wow, online life. Something that gave me freedom, gave me a voice. Where I didn't get bullied. Where I found friends who stuck by me. Who are still there, when I need them. Well, as much as their own lives allow it. Life happens and sometimes, to me, a person always stuck in her ways, that is more like shit happens -situation.

I got a computer as a kid, but couldn't get online, we got a newer one with internet capabilities (and with my limited abilities) when I was in junior high and then, I could finally make use of the email I had. I found fanfiction and then, my world expanded past my school friends. Not many school friends are still there after that. In Junior High, Anna, Jenna, the other silent and more or less outcasts, JiliaSala in Senior High. They are still there.

Fanfiction became my outlet for creativity and sort of a therapy form. I'm not afraid to admit I write it, we all ship characters in our head, canon or noncanon, meaning, well, real in the fiction you follow or not real. It's like a sandbox really. I met my dearest friends through fanfiction and fangirling.

The Beyblade Crew, as I call them, are the most amazing, they went through all the trouble to come to our wedding and are just precious. We can pick up the usual bullshitting even after years and go on for hours as if nothing's changed. Though some of us are married, some have kids, jobs instead of school, it's mostly the same. Line, Steph, Narisa, Lian, Melissa, all still very close to my heart and very much my friends.

Lord of the Rings crew, wow, even crazier bunch, mostly fellow Finns though, some from close to my hometown, others from different corners of the country. Some have fallen along the way, out of touch and out of my life, some I miss, some I don't. Some took their other interests to the lengths it ended up making me just uneasy so I just ghosted them, not a right thing to do, I know, but like I've said before, Aikaansa kutakin. There's an era. Some I've ran into in different other forums, Final Fantasy (has quieted down, sadly) or Heavy Metal Fiction (crazy ass bunch, honestly XD) and I like the shenanigans and how they also are a bunch that you can always catch up on after months of silence and it just snowballs over again. Shame there's no more MSN, Skype just isn't the same. Justiina and Heidi are two forum friends who I hope never to lose touch with. Just too precious <3 "Ian", if you are reading this, it wasn't yours whose I read first, but second and I don't regret a thing. We used to email a lot, then, silence for years, until my writing had developed and my fandom overlapped with theirs then I realized there was a familiar ring to the name of one of my followers. Reconnected and a dear friend now. I salute you.

Messenger. Gawd, I miss that. Downloading it caused me anxiety, there was a time in my life when it had amped up a lot, but that revolutionized my contact with other people. I didn't need to agonize over a phone, I could hardly call my neighbors can they come over. (I heard their mom's 'no' through the forest, she's bit loud) Anna and I wrote a lot, first through emails and then, through MSN and I must say, I miss it a lot. That junior high time was... wild. Not in the sense one would think, our story ideas were at the same time brilliant, but also crazy and somewhere between Donald Duck and fanfiction.

It's about the same time I started publishing stories, reading them a lot and just... making art, posting it, socializing. I wasn't in any mainstream devices besides Skype and MSN, this was the time when dial-ups were more or less still up, no facebook. I think MySpace was still on back then. I didn't join until I moved out to study, that's when online life came more into play, I didn't have other means to connect with my friends, I had a 20€ limit on my phone, sometimes blowing it to texts, so online was a cheaper solution.

Phone... I miss my Nokia 3310, it was used when I got it, it was a must since I had to rely on bus travel to get to school about 16km away. I had troubles with gramp's previous model, so I got that and we all know that phone. Or a replacement for Mjölnir, as it seems. I dropped it on the concrete floor at school from 1,50m height and it actually solved a few glitches on it. Loved it. Haven't had much luck with phones since though. Let's not get into phones more, they cause me anxiety mostly.

Fusion of MSN and Skype destroyed most of my circle of friends, not all wanted to make the transition. JiliaSala doesn't have much luck upkeeping her Skype accounts, I don't understand why they always stop working...

Online, I've done my fair share of shadier things, but there ain't many who haven't, honestly. Not many. Just face it. Sure, stupid and all, but... *shrugs.

Now I'm on several forums, still, social media platforms, some to a lesser degree than before, but not many friends are on them anymore. Social Media is mostly just to catch up friends and to simply find cool things and bullshit around in for me. I openly admit I only keep some irl people in fb friends because they wanted it, I'm not overly happy with a ton of questions thrown at me, even though I always talk a mile a minute. Should try to learn how to shut up though.

Now that's something that's not easy, when my granny is the one I inherited the verbal diahrrea from. I'm not even kidding.

Well, here's a blast from the past.

That ruined even my next year...

I can't be here the next year. Only until Christmas. Fuck this fucking shit. She needs me the whole year, especially during the spring. And I can't be there... Can I cry now?

*sigh*

Surely an interesting day. Myself, I've been sitting at my laptop the whole day, working on a draft for the final work's literal part. I still don't understand why WE need to send it to the Finnish teacher while the tour guides didn't, but oh well. I can manage to write the official form easily enough and I can make it so that the Finnish teacher won't understand. I'm gonna give them hell.

Desperation rises

The final work is turning to be a nightmare before I've even started it. I'm being honest here. Everything needs to be very official, which of course I can write, but I don't understand what the hell the Finnish teacher has to do with this. Oh well... I'm gonna hit them so hard I knock them to next week.

I picked up some watercolor paper for the better version of the background ice on the Phoenixe and just sent emails to two weaveries in my hometown. Other one answered right away and it could be possible to get in there to practice, since the store I tried is too slow to answer and I can't be there the whole time. It's gonna sap my whole summer, but at least I get the student support from that time. That matters quite a lot. Now I'm just waiting for the teacher to finish the little talk and come help me on how to reply.

Had an interesting few days. On Tuesday/Wednesday night, my fiancée got a stomach ache that was getting worse and worse until around 2am I called to the hospital and they told me to call an ambulance. Well, the pretty hot guys came and after a brief examination, offered painkillers and asked if she wanted them to take her to the hospital, if her stomach aches are unbearable, but she chose not to, so I was advised to call them again if she went worse. Needless to say we slept around 3 hours and in the morning, as advised, went to the Tervola hospital. She was hooked up on painkillers and did some tests, but they sent her to Kemi hospital for better examination. We waited some time for the cab to take her, but we were informed it'd take until 3pm for it to arrive, so I leaped to the chance and said I'd drive. Of course I was an idiot and didn't ask for papers to cover MY expenses. At this point we were only given a sandwich, yogurt and milk. Last time we ate had been before midnight. And the lunchtime was around 2pm...
Well off to Kemi and more examinations and tossing us around to different departments... until the last doctor after 6pm took her in for few minutes, told it was a bacterial infection and if left untreated, it could have been a urinal tract infection. Antibiotics and we were outta there around 6:30pm. I had alerted a friend who lived nearby and once we told we were out and that she was fine, they invited us over and cooked for us. The food vanished very quickly. We also got to pet their cats, the old lady Peppi and the tiny terrorist Isla. Kitty therapy is very good and she was in high spirits after that. It was a big relief we got out and she slept the whole next day while I was working on my final assignment, screwing up and getting myself in a tired tirade over petty things. I'm still irked.
I also should be trying to get some fuel money back, but it looks so complicated I'm giving up. My phone call phobia (I can't call to some places, 112 (or 911 as other know it) and the ER are the few easy places to call out of my friend circle) is high and I get a hoarse voice every time I talk to the phone, so I'm not calling Kela and ask what the hell should I do, because I don't understand their papers. I really don't.

Who made life this difficult and complicated? I'll go throttle the one to blame. Damnit!

Melua saatana \,,/

You kinda notice when I'm not having classes where I can use the computer.



Anyway. Meanwhile, rock the metal, fuckers.

Whelp

Not too bad. Some improvement suggestions from the teacher, but I ain't redoing anything. I simply CAN'T! It's all there now and that's it. I'm done and I kinda like that. Sure, I could have done better with some things, but at least I did it. And that's not official.

*headdesk*

Weekend please?

Spent 6 hours making the brochure for my arts and crafts. I don't think it's gonna go through to teacher, but at least I'm happy with it. That should be enough, because I ain't redoing it. My wrists are hurting like hell...

Well shit.

She's sick. I want her to be able to continue her work, but so far, it's not looking good. I'm kinda thinking is it because she hates her work, that makes her sick when she's supposed to go to school, but I don't know. I just don't like watching her being sick. While I'm sick and tired of this whole ordeal and I can't skip.

We had snow here for a little over a week, now there is rather warm, 4,4C and it's all melting away. It's slippery as hell, the whole school area is covered in clear ice. I love snow, so this is a big hit to my mood, now everything will be black again and I don't like that.  Can I move somewhere shit cold?


I don't know of the current condition of my depression, there are times when I scare myself with my dark thoughts, but then again, I'm a writer with a wild imagination. I torture people in my songs and stories to vent out all the issues within me.

Right now I could do with a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows on top of it. I feel kinda miserable with my runny nose. I'm also quite tired, since we accidentally stayed up late and after we turned in, my thighs were still hurting. I've been doing computer work for weeks now and my back and legs don't approve, but I can't really go outside with that slick ice. Also, it's too wet out there. Now I'm depressing myself. Marvelous. And my back hurts right now.

The only song from that shit of an album I can actually tolerate.

Anyway, I have a lot of shit to do, mostly the school stuff, but also commissions, the whole situation is draining me.

I'm tired of that woman and her shit...

That one woman in our class talks with everyone else but me. As soon as I say something, she looks elsewhere and doesn't respond, barely answers me when I ask something. I just hope she leaves soon. I'm guessing she has problems with me being with another woman. Well, I have few chosen words to say about her, but better shut up for now. She called me lazy when I was helping with the curtains. Well excuse you, you were gone for three days and I cut and ironed around 150 meters of fabric, you haven't done much compared to me. Now, I'm writing my essay/whatever and she is just sitting around. Sure, headache and such are good excuses... But since you are here and have time to kill, use it.

Helloooooo

Been busy, moving in and settling down. And starting school. This was quite interesting. We've gotten settled to the B4 easily enough, despite we have only one key, which I keep, since I have more flexible classes. Works out pretty fine and if I work late or go to the band room, she gets the key from me.

I finished my harnesk weaves. Or rather, attached them to the backboards. And redid them the next day. I had mismeasured and halfassed the attaching, but right now, after half an inch was sawed off from every side. Except the biggest, which I managed to nail at the first try.

Work is piling up on me right now. Next project is gonna be wristbands with miniature looms I borrowed. I love it, seriously. Then the carpet. Tiger carpet. And fix jeans. Tomorrow, we start dyeing wool yarn. It's gonna be interesting. We do various odd jobs while at it and my other half and I are gonna go see Kaamea Rangaistus, which is a band formed by police from Tornio. This is gonna be awesome.

Well, I'm gonna update more later, my friend is gonna either bite me or drag me by the scruff of my neck to the school lunch. I have no choice XD

Monday again

Past few times Mondays have been awesome. Today, I'm not so sure, I'm still sitting at my desktop, doing things I should have done on Friday, listening to new Battle Beast and calculating how much money I've lost with this shit.
Two weeks left... Two weeks to finish the silk painting, do these calculations. Teachers most likely don't have time to keep track of everybody. The seconds are working their asses off and whining for them constantly. Oh well.
Doing some serious packing as well, got three more boxes to fill, also got two bags from a friend, which to use. I'm so grateful of what they have done for us, I could cry. In my home area, nobody was ever this helpful.

Payday and spiders

Working on art commissions and after struggling several weeks with not much money, it's finally payday, the last support for me arrives today. I don't have a summer job, so this summer will be spent with me doing completely crazy and sleepless. And without money. I wished to go to Satama Open Air to see Sonata, and to Tulivuorirock Unplugged, visit Imatra again, Tampere too, but no job, no money.

One of the artworks I was supposed to do was an acromantella. I'm utterly terrified of spiders and even the thoughts gives me goosebumps. Other creature I cannot draw is a horse-spider hybrid. I've never noped that hard in my life. Some people can cure their arachnophobia by getting a spider, the closer I get to a spider and the bigger it is, the closer I am to tears. Just no. Seriously no. I cannot even draw a spider anymore and I definitely can't touch a drawing of one. Even spider crabs are giving me the creeps. I haven't overly advertised in fb or anyplace else that I'm terrified of spiders, because people are such assholes they will post everything about spiders to me. If I see one more spider within a week, I'm gonna cry.

Sucks to be me, I live in the woods. Spiders are everywhere. I can deal with snakes, even some bugs, not those clinging type, I screech and flail and go completely on panic mode if I find one clutching onto me again. I know they are handy... But I don't want to see them. Spiderwebs are... icky... If you wrap clean spiderweb around a small, bleeding cut, the bleeding stops. Or that's what they say.

Mother of...

Somebody will die. That guy at the end of the hallway is driving most of us nuts here. It is his and our friend's cleaning duty. He doesn't even clean up after himself. Us two and at least two others are after his blood. He takes his clothes to dry in the wrong dryer room, in the changing room for animal caretakers. Apparently he is so afraid somebody will steal his clothes, he cannot leave them in the regular place... I don't give a shit where he leaves his clothes, but that was just awkward as hell, he must love the scent of cow shit, which is perfume compared to human shit.

Currently I'm working on art commission, I got a shit ton of drawings to do. Still trying to decide, how much do I ask for these. We are currently living on borrowed money and food donations from a friend and her family. This sucks.

Tired. So, damn, tired. And I have pretty much nothing to do in class.

Paska homma, mutta tulipahan tehtyä

Shit job, but at least it's done.

Gif by Sahtiwaari (Tumblr)

Lots of work

Man this portfolio course is hard. I really need to think until my head fries. What makes the matters worse is that I have a nasty, gnawing stomach ache, which makes it hard to sit. Again. I should be making outlines for a portfolio about my own abilities.

All that...

...I've been sick for over two weeks. These past two weeks have been theory lessons and I'm completely lost, I even screwed up the exam. It really hasn't gone that well here. Power blackouts, though they are less and less every day. It's just that... my fiancée isn't doing great either, not feeling at ease anywhere. Well, most of all at my class, but I have issues with my class seconds. They are dumb. Seriously. Some of them have small children...
I'm just so lost at the moment. Nothing goes like I plan them, or even how I try to. At the moment, I just feel like crying. No matter what I try or say, nothing changes. Well, not even Santa would listen to me, so... *sigh*
Birthday went, at least I had a cake, my fiancée and some presents. That saved a lot.

Whoops

Augh, I have been hella busy. Teeth problems and school work and choir+band practice. We had a slight disagreeing with the songs for the choir, until we tried one newer song and everybody fell in love with it. Seriously. There was joy in people's eyes while singing.

Band practice is interesting. We first worked on composing -something- around my lyrics, until the drummer came up with few cover songs, I'll Make a Man Out of You and Once Upon a December. In Russian. Sure, no biggie. Few days ago I got a message on fb from her, saying that we are picking up Walking In the Air. Nightwish version. I'm screwed. I can't sing that high.

Anyways, we had an art class. That was torture. I hated it from the start. I've been developing rapidly lately, but the course has nothing to do with it. Twice we had so much to do we had to stay up all night. 30 A3 sketches to product design class and two A3 model drawings of myself for the art class, not to mention take 5 photographs for product photographing lesson. We were both soooo wiped and feels like that this weekend, I have finally managed to catch up all the missing sleep.

Oh crap, I gotta write a letter to a friend. Well, catch ya laters.

Headaches

Been rather irritating week. I've been getting headaches everyday. And not only me, but my dear roomie<3 too and oneof our friend who lives across the hall. We are suspecting tha there is mold somewhere, which could cause these nasty, gnawing headaches. Well, yesterday morning my worst headche came because my last emerged wisdom tooth but goddamn.

Product photographing course was boring and irritating. Thankfully we are not have to use the school camera. We are gonna use mine. Last assignment was about cropping the pics while taking them, this one is playing with light and shadow. Should be more interesting.

Arts class is kiling me. I've gone through them all already, but my education still isn't enough. I should do two model drawings for Tuesday. Now, the next three weeks, I won't be at my own class but only on Mondays, which bugs me to the core. I have beter things to do than go through all the art shit again. It's not that I hate arts, hell, look a my art blg! I love drawing and painting, but damn, I did not come here for all those extra subjects.

Soreness

Been cramped for ages, not to mention tired from lack of sleep. The Halloween party at school is on 31st, I made the posters for it, now I should do posters for my face paint booth too. Bought hella lot of facepaint. Seriously. And some deco. And lovely outfit for my darling. This Halloween will be awesome. Brr, I'm gonna go and get my SA hoodie right nw, I'm cold.

Better. onna watch both Cars movies. I had to return to Kemi today, since  paid 15€ extra for Cars 2. I literally paid it twice. Goddamn. Also had astonishing view, problem was the lack of camera... And then the last 30km back was driven in a fog.

I've been crocheting a lot of pumpkins, 5 ready, one big with still a slightly unfinished face. Gonna do some more for the party.

What a workload

I FINALLY got all the arts of mine watermarked with Powerpoint. Didn't include few of the worst and some fanart,since I don't really know what to do with those. Also gotta make different pages for posts about my cosplays, problem is that though Wordpress can be a bitch, it has more options than Blogger. FML.
Been on a Beyblade mood the past couple o weeks, watched the series and all. The original three y Aoki Takao, not this new wannabe Metal Fight Beyblade. Nooooo. Bakuten Shoot Beyblade was the best. The assholes&bitches at my elementry said for sure I was gonna ditch Beyblade, nope, still going strong and actually, without it, I wouldn't have met my fiancée at all. Take that, jerks