Friday, August 30, 2019

Slice of Life: Adulting sucks

One thing I've noticed ever since growing up. As a kid, you're all 'I'm gonna have so much fun when I'm adult'. Nah, the fun ends when you're adult. You're not allowed to have fun anymore.

Most likely, your slogan will be :

"At least the rent and bills are paid."

That applies to us. I'm supposed to do my utmost best with all that I have in the fridge and freezer... I'm guessing a whooooooooole lot of brown sauce with very little meat... Can I have a nervous breakdown now?

Money goes in a day. What little you get. We are also just waiting on everybody else to get shit done that we can't do ourselves... It's emotionally draining, you'll never be happy as an adult, it seems. Just small, short sparkles of light, otherwise it's a swamp that is slowly sucking you in in the middle of the night.

Adulting is not fun. It sucks.

Friday, August 23, 2019

Slice of Life: Whirlwind end of summer

I'm still rather windswept with everything that happened. Am now a moderator of a doll group, thanks to my ability to detach my emotions from people rather easily. Not from objects. People always come and go, they change or die, but some objects just never leave my life. I couldn't leave my piano behind, so there is an example for ya. Or that I cannot part from the dolls that are most dear to me.

Anyways, still waiting for new cabinets so we can finally, after 2 years, to start organizing and finally finish the doll room and our "atelier". Let's see is September a bit better and do we dare to hope. It's almost time for the Border Pride and the International Food Market again. I just NEED to get Strüdels from the Austrian booth, they are too good. I always take small slices for myself so I can have it last longer. Blueberry quark is my absolute favorite. Been also baking a lot of blueberry cookies myself, just yummy. Those and tea and of course, apple pie are the staples of fall.

Fall did arrive rather fast, I think. The summer seemed to end as soon as we were leaving for our hometown for a vacation and it has been pouring rain, finally. It's been so dry here (my home village still hasn't gotten much rain, yikes) that the ash bin the workers downstairs use caught fire the very same day we had come back. Of course, the guy just dragged it away from the wood-metal combo doors (we could have gotten trapped!) and between our cars, mine had just gotten the underside oiled! I was the one to go and pour water into that bin and douse it before it could really catch fire instead of billow smoke like a steamer. I had to air out our atelier and staircase. I did manage to tell the workers what happened after their day ended and they swore they always made sure it was properly out, but the new trainee didn't. I'm sure he got an earful.

That wasn't overly good rest of the Monday. Anyways, I've managed to order Apoxie Sculpt and Army Painter spray sealant for doll projects, but I haven't gotten a chance to use the latter yet, it's not such a good idea to use in wet conditions and it's been pouring almost every other day. With Apoxie, I've practiced fixing necks and making dolls some bigger boobs and a prosthetic leg.

I'm still going to do something with the hair and the leg, but so far, it does look good. Almost as good as the Mattel's one.

I think they enlarge when you click. Working on the colors, she's a quirky one and I think she'd go with her fave team's old colors.



Anyways. Been writing and modifying dolls, the only two things I actually have any passion for. The vacay did wreck my 39-day streak for Duolingo, but I'm getting back on track again, making myself a schedule to bounce between Japanese, Russian and Spanish. Also should move more, I'm not losing weight by not eating. I'm too lazy to cook and I don't know many recipes. I'm fed up with almost everything I make. And I'm picky. We got some food items from the Finnish Red Cross' food distribution for the needy. Problem is... Now I have things in our fridge I have no idea where to use them. Should probs make the Thai soup I traded with a friend for some things we just couldn't get down. I still don't have many ingredients to make anything new.

I'm in trouble, somebody should probs come and overhaul the whole kitchen and teach me new foods. I keep staring at the cabinet and fridge and freezer and just want to cry because I don't want any of what I see. Hence I was really hungry and cold last night and went to bed hungry.

My dad was a chef, he never taught me anything in the kitchen. Granny never taught me how to cook, but she did teach me how to bake. I am still able to burn potatoes and porridges. ...hey... I could make porridge. Shit, just need to put the dishwasher on to get the pots back.

Monday, July 29, 2019

Vacay

Finally at home. It was about...5 and a half hour drive in the night, we left just before midnight, it wasn't hot to drive, but the lack of open gas stations was almost a problem. Well, barren roadside reststop and some tp, dooone. I fell asleep maybe an hour and a half after arriving, took a while to pass out, but finally did. Slept over 6 hours, closer to 8 I think. Still not fully functional, but... Yeah. Managed to log in at least on one email and gramps lets me use his computer, since it's only beneficial that I do. He's not that good with updating computer.

Anyway, should probs go put some clothes on. I actually found jeans that I can fit into. Weird.

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

Slice of Life: Reflection

I should probably beat the lyrics into my head and never forget them. Honestly.  She hits a point with this and no wonder it has become sort of an anthem.

Yes, I'm not "normal" as the people with a black-and-white mindset would put it. I'm a fucking lesbian. I am rough, tomboyish and I have a truck license, I swear a lot, but if I'm called a truck-lesbian, I'm punching. Or kicking. I'm more... demisexual, I don't necessarily feel too attracted to other people, some celebs get my engines revving, for a couple of months until I'm just meh, they are good looking. I'd rather just write raunchy shite of them. =D That's what I do.

I'm not a simple person personality-wise. I think. How the hell should I know? I just exist, not thinking of myself much. Not many deem me irreplaceable. One person at least. That's all that matters to me, but outside our home, that's when it does matter who else thinks I'm too important to lose. I dunno how many think that way, nobody says it to my face really. At least according to my shoddy memory.

I'm not sure is the category right still, but since people just LOVE sticking labels to things... *shrug* Whatever floats yer boat.

That's when it curves to myself again. How I see myself. How I literally see myself. I don't see myself much different from when I was 15 or something, I still feel the same. Just someone who can slip through the crowd and vanish without anybody noticing. I've liked different clothes as a kid, but I always got ruthlessly bullied because of them later, so granny told me that I should tell them what is the current style people are wearing at school, so they can buy me clothes more like theirs. In the end, I didn't give a shit. I wore whatever I pulled from my closet of people brought me. Unless they were toe-socks. I hated them. Felt like my toes had no circulation. Fuck that was a nasty phase in fashion, faded soon though. Phew.

I did always feel like I couldn't wear anything without getting shit. Whether it was a cozy Minnie Mouse black and magenta hoodie (took up wearing a fleece vest over it) or full pink almost matching pants and shirt, yellow woolly socks I partially made myself, burgundy winter boots (two different pairs, I had scraps of food, broken forks, and spoons in them or they were held hostage and tossed outside or around the school by complete strangers)... the list goes on... I tried to be normal and I got shit, I wore something I liked and got shit.

You don't walk away from that without issues. I'd probably still need a rage room, you can rent it for a small fee and are given a baseball bat to just destroy everything to vent out the rage. I need that. I'm not even kidding. All former classmates still deserve a fist in the face.

I've always been called fat. School nurse put me on a diet in elementary. Granny was pissed. Who fucking counts how many slices of sausage or cheese you can put on your bread and how many glasses of milk you can drink as a kid?! I have granny's body type and she sadly did tell me that and to stop dreaming of losing weight, when I was really trying and I needed support. I took a habit of sucking in my stomach after I was mistaken to be pregnant by one Chinese restaurant owner. I only went there once after that, shame, they had dumplings. The only place that makes dumplings.

My junior high classmate, who was alright, a bit too rough sometimes even from my point of view, once told me of what she thought when she first saw me. She had thought that "there's a girl who'd be really beautiful if she only took care of her looks." I've tried caring for my looks, but what for really? If I blend in the crowd with uncombed hair and hand-me-down clothes and don't get bullied for it, sign me up.

I liked the princess dresses as a kid, but it got embarrassing over the years. I never saw myself cute, despite what people said. I have a handful of pictures as an adult that I can actually look at and not cringe. I can't look at the wedding photos. I saw one and I just wanted to delete them all. I never realized I was so fat. I didn't pay attention to my figure, just keeping myself from freaking out over the fact I was in the spotlight with her.

I just can't look at the pictures. I can't. I hate my double chin, my belly, my thick thighs, I don't mind my big ass, though I keep knocking everything off with it as I try to sneak past. I rather wear black and baggy to hide myself. During summer, I wear lighter clothes, but even then, it's a struggle. I have days when I can wear anything and not care, then there are days I try to doll up and then just... not go...

Ugh, body positivity. Sure, it can help, young people need better role models, to know it's ok to be what you are, but... To me, it's just sure, rub it in. I am like this, but I don't' want to be like this, but there's fucking nothing I can do. I can't keep up habits long enough for my routines (what little I have, actually none...) to change permanently. I don't have that motivation. Wow, here it is again. Motivation. I don't have much of it.

Why I can't function like a regular human being?! Look at the mirror and smile at the reflection. All I see is somebody who should get her shit together. Somebody who shouldn't go out in the public at all for the sake of sparing them of nightmares. Sometimes I just... sit and wonder how can somebody love me despite being like this, I don't understand it. I know love doesn't care about looks and so what if she looks what she looks? I love her. She says the same. ...I just don't love myself. Opposite of love isn't hate, but ignorance. Now that is what I mostly feel towards myself. So what. I didn't have the best of role models as a kid, no matter which way you tilt your head, I think it all stems from there. I was often humiliated in front of people, I still have huge difficulties to go in front of people. It causes me anxiety.

I do have some form of panic disorder or anxiety disorder. At some points, it does hinder my life. I can't up and go to the archery club anymore. I felt so inferior there it wasn't even funny and all the attention on how we were doing was insane...
I can't listen to my own voice without feeling humiliated by how it sounds. I can listen through my videos once or twice, then post them, but never listen to them myself again. Or listen to somebody listen to them. I wanted to become a voice actor, but I don't have enough talent and guts for that.

I was asked to give my name and my parents' names in to microphone as a kid. I wasn't really told of my whole fucked up family situation then and I called my granny -mom-. Who else, she was only mother figure I fucking had! Easy for you lucky shits with both parents! Everybody was staring at me and I managed to stammer something, but it was humiliating. I didn't remember my granny's name and I was so confused. I'd still love to stick a knife to the teacher's throat for that and bomb the whole room. All the smiles ever since have felt like a mockery. All nice words I've gotten have always turned out to be lies. I don't really trust kind words, because they are always a mask to me. It's easy for me to lie in people's faces for that. Hide. Hide fucking everything.

Why people always humiliate me? Pick on me? What the fuck is wrong with me and you?! Why me?! What the everloving fuck have I ever done to you?!

If one could get away with murder, I'd have a long trail of bodies behind me. And all my inner demons would be silenced forever.

Well, one can dream. At least it's free, even though I don't really dream anymore, what's the use really? You'll just get disappointed when the dream ends. Life just fucking loves shitting in the fan. Getting just really tired and fed up with all the shit. 

Thursday, July 18, 2019

Oh wow...

This has been a rollercoaster week already.

Met my coach again and was introduced a book that will change our lives, hopefully. Had bit of a meltdown (both of us).
Yesterday, had to admit we are in a dead-end. This place is a dead-end, no jobs that don't require a friggin' ink on paper to prove you can do it. No wonder people move out. For me, this is also a blissful place, free of my demons of the past.

Also applied for a job. Dunno if I'm ready, but I need to try. It's just an assistant in a flower shop, but it doesn't require a certificate. I don't need to be a florist, they'd train me. I do like flowers, so... I wouldn't mind.

Planning a trip home, but a lot depends on can my gramps help me out -again- financially. Fuck, I can't even afford to get us to visit home. We haven't had the time for it with all the meetings and being just... mental wrecks. We need to get this train moving, I'm quite tired.

In a few hours, I'll have money, I'll pay up my bills and fill up the gas tank, do some shopping and go out to eat. You have no idea how this has been a torture to wait. I'm so fed up with everything I make it's not even funny! Also should write more here. A lot more.

There is a writing competition... That sounds nice. I just... don't have anything ready in English. It'd be on Wattpad. Hmm... I should go and take a look. And probs hit the bed. I'll write more laters.

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Slice of Life: When did life go past me?

Been too long since I've written here, to be honest. I know there's probably nobody reading, but... Oh well... At least I get things off my chest.
I've been with Kela's Nuotti rehabilitation program for some time now, once a month for 2 hours with the coach. Mostly been with me talking, but I've got some goals set up towards getting some structure for my weeks. I don't want to just float around anymore.

When I look in the mirror, I see the same 15-yo girl who didn't want to go anywhere, because there was nowhere to go. I'm just fatter and look more tired. I guess that's because I'm 28 now. I look back and I've come far. I'm happily hitched, two cats, rented apartment and a hobby.

That's where I start to see differences. I look around. Some have illnesses and they cope with them, some are just as hopelessly unemployed as I am and some have jobs and steady income that doesn't evaporate 12hrs after it's been deposited in their accounts. What have I achieved in the eyes of others?

I'd say nothing. Sure, some people have it worse, but I feel like a failure for not being able to help the person closest to me. For not being good enough or confident enough to get a job. To support that way. What I'd like to have? A job that I can stand and feel it's worth getting my ass up and out. A pay that I don't have to count every cent of can we get groceries and cat food and litter plus the bills and rent and last until the next pay...

Life likes to throw wrenches at me like Ratchet, with too great of accuracy for my taste. We had savings and our computers broke. I had money and the car repairs were way over what money I got monthly. The second repairs drained the savings again. I'm tired of penny-pinching. The stress is putting a huge strain on me.

I know people would say get a fucking job. It is easier said than done. Right now, Finland does have more jobless people than workplaces open, but compatibility... You can't stuff a ball through a square-shaped hole, you know, we all tried as a kid, I bet.
I might see a job that would be interesting and I'm actually thinking of it, until few hours later, I realize I wouldn't be good at it. I'm afraid.

Afraid of being a failure. 

I'm afraid of failing. 

Few times I've tried my best, only to fail and get told that it wasn't the right way. I can't handle it. Go ahead, you can criticize my art, I know I'm not good at it, but I like doing it and I try, but god... whatever else I do and it tears me apart.

Thrice in Lankava I just wanted to drop everything and walk out, never to return. I fucking tried!

Almost every other day, I just wanted to drop everything and hop in my car and drive away from Powerpark. The register was just too complex for me and I couldn't grasp the details even after the whole season.

Few times I just wanted to sit and cry in the grass when doing park maintenance, I don't know shit about taking care of flowers or anything, I was tossed in and had to hit the ground running.

In the Children's Culture Center, I was so underqualified I'm amazed why they hired me? How bad was the other applicant that showed up?! I was completely lost with everything and just... flopped around like a fish out of water.

At the call center, that's where I broke the first time from getting chewed out by an angry customer for my mistake. The place wasn't really good, but it broke me. It simply broke me. I can barely call anyplace nor keep my shit together if my old mistakes are brought out. I wish I could thank the Swedish coworker who tried to console me. That job wasn't worth it.

People make mistakes and I am always aware of them, but I'd love to just rave at everyone's face that I'm trying, don't tell me where I went wrong. I am trying my fucking hardest. 

I don't really try anymore. Not so people can see. I don't want to hear about my mistakes. I've made them and will continue to make. I just want to forget they ever happened. I know I'm trying to shut the world out. Shut the negativity out. It's just... it's like trying to block one of the nozzles in a fountain.

Why try when you know it's going to blow up in my face?

Why bother? 

Why should I go to be the spitoon?

I don't have the answers for those. I wish somebody had. Go through that shit for money isn't what I wish for, but I tend to live in dreamland. None of you probably wonder why if you read my other slice of life shits.

This is my darkness. This is something not even my imaginary friends can save me from. I know I should just... grow the hard skin back now that it has been peeled off. I guess the shit was easier to take from the family in the form of always-broken promises, but it's the same shit that life keeps giving me, so it cannot be that either.

Sometimes I feel like the whole world could burn and I don't care. Other times I just... want to be someone people can trust. That people would trust me and look at me with a smile, with no lies to me.

...see why I don't really even apply for jobs? Why I see the psychotherapist and am in a rehabilitation program? I might look like a well-functioning 28-yo adult. Yet inside, I'm still that confused and broken, angry teen who just resigned to fate and was planning to be a bum under the bridge.

I was exhausted of expectations from everyone and fighting their visions by the time I was 20. I've tried to get a job and enjoy it, do it to my best abilities, but not being good enough. There's only one person who thinks I'm good enough and we live together. I'd probs be still holed up in that tiny village and write stories on the computer in the upstairs of my grandparents, in my childhood home. Without her, I'd be nothing.

Now I'm a wife and a cat mom. A doll modifier. A jewelry maker. A shy writer. None of that pays, but it keeps me alive and sane. If I was ever sane in the first place. I dunno. I've never been like others. I've never known how to do things others do.

Getting a job is a hurdle. Not really my fault either, the job markets are utter crap here. You'd need a million-dollar idea to become an entrepreneur. And you need those fucking million dollars to start that cycle of crap. I just want financial stability. It is just pure impossibility really... At least dreams are free.

I don't like to dream either, they just remind me what I don't have. Money. From a job.

I'm on the road to getting shit done per week, that is one step. I'd just need more help with my mind than can be provided freely. I can't go back either. My hometown is my personal nightmare for me. All the past bad memories flood me. I'm not going back to live, not until I'm better.

If I'm ever getting better.

One thing I have stopped dreaming about completely though. Losing weight. Granny told me I was never gonna lose weight since I had her body type. Well, she is right. Do I hate my body? Yeah, duh, you are lucky you haven't seen it. What do I do about it? Nothing. Nothing's gonna change anyway. My ass and thighs are never fitting in any nice clothes and my gut makes me look preggers, so I just wear oversized clothes. I'm done caring. If she still wants to wake up every morning next to me, even if I'm like this, so be it =)  I'm very much fine with it. I don't care really about myself in physical sense.

I know it shows. One classmate said that the first time she saw me, she had thought that I'd be pretty if I just looked after myself. I never trusted her again, even if she promised to help defend me against rumors. Let them talk if it's their only hobby. In that town, it is the only thing to do. Gossip on others.

I did look around the other day, seeing all these things we've collected but never seem to have time for them and I felt sad. We've put so much love and effort into them. Then what? When we're gone? Who cares of them? Who is there to read their stories? I'm almost tempted to embark in that journey next November. To give them all a voice. Starting from my old imaginary friends. Somebody should hear their stories. Fanfiction-y and impossible they are, but it's our DollWorld. Our stories.

Maybe I should. I don't want this all to go to waste.

Ok, maybe the rant is over. I've unloaded a lot off my chest. Some might call this just attention whoring. It's not, since it's not on IG or Twitter or FB. I'm the type who needs to get things off my mind and out on paper or in digital form. Then I feel better.

A lot has changed and I miss the old times. When I was 15. This new world is harsh and cruel and twisted. Maybe that's the reason for Selenia to exist. It's a safe haven for us. A place where everything is well. It's in this doll room and in our minds and in our word docs. It's in our dreams.

I'm 28. I don't have a job. I love dealing with fashion dolls and handcrafts. I love music, heavy metal in particular. I wish I could turn one of my hobbies into a business, but I know I'm not good enough. I know I'm lazy, but that could also be me being... tired. Tired of failing. Tired of being scared.

Yeah... that gotta be it.


Monday, May 27, 2019

D71 Mirka Kovalchuk-Kuznetsov (C)

Mirka. The Captain. The solid rock supporting the whole team.

Maybe the best of friends I could ever have. The voice inside my head that tells me to calm the fuck down and just do it.

I wanted to save her to be last, because of her importance and the captain always comes on the ice last. 

Born in former city of Kalinin (modern day Tver), she's 3/4 Russian and 1/4th Finnish Karelian. She does feel more at home in Finland, having lived in Lappeenranta for years before coming to Lapua with her family to join the team, ending up as the captain the second year. She radiates calmness and does keep everyone in check.

Her command of Finnish is near perfect, she worked her accent off but as they say, the younger you learn, the better you are. Nowadays she's married to Ivan Kuznetsov (honestly, it is a common last name) and has a son, Ruslan, who keeps her up at nights.

She chose to play bass, learning it from scratch for joining in the band and is rather decent with it. She mostly likes to play or tinker with electronics, her parents owning a repairs garage that she works in also. Mirka also does some paranormal investigations when not filming or animating in her little free time.

I wish I really had a friend like her, but I think she'll never really leave me either. At least I hope so.


Name:  Mirka Kovalchuk-Kuznetsov (Tarakov-Kuznetsov in official papers)
DoB:  3.3.1991, Kalinin (Tver), USSR
Family:
   Mother: Svetlana
   Father: Zedoi
   Spouse: Ivan Kuznetsov
   Son: Ruslan
Lives:  Selenia, Island of Selenia
Work:  Mechanic, animator, ghost hunter, bassist
BFF:  -
Hockey idols: 
Ilya Kovalchuk
Vladimir Machulda
Lasse Kukkonen 

Sunday, May 26, 2019

F4 Christina Hannigan

 Christina, the shy and insecure replacement for Minya, who hadn't been a very good skater ever, until Serafina, Anjeylica, Anastasia, Lucrezia and her old enemy, Frankie taught her to skate better and how to do quick moves on the ice to throw off the opponent. She did manage to fill in the skates left behind and rose to be trusted by the team.

Her sister Cat was the one who got all the guts while she grew up to be rather meek. She's grown a lot but has never shed the polite Canadian upbringing she had. Yes, she does apologize to tables and chairs if she bumps into them. No joke.

Big sister Catherine (Cat) Hannigan, a champion kickboxer
What part of me does she represent? Maybe the part that never fits in? I really don't know.








Name:  Christina "Bolt" Hannigan
DoB:  4.8.1991, Watson Lake, Canada
Family:
   Sibling: Catherine Hannigan
   Niece: Maisie Hannigan
   Spouse: Frankie Montoya
Lives:  Selenia, Island of Selenia
Work:  -
BFF:  Frankie Montoya
Hockey idols: 
Vincent Lecavalier

Saturday, May 25, 2019

F11 Valerie Orszagh

 Valerie, the mohawk girl. She doesn't want to give up her black and white mohawk, no matter what. She's been rocking that for 10 years now. She did take off some of the piercings though, kinda shame, she looked good with them.

She's the third member of the AOO-line that spun webs around their poor opponents and eventually scored a goal, usually the handiwork of Anastasia, the fastest of the trio.

What she does currently, I don't know, probs still has greyhounds, she looks to be still fit as... well, an athlete. She's edgy and does what she wants, while others usually did what they could.

She likes to shock and maybe she is that part of my personality that never gets out. When you want to stand out, do it properly. I just don't have the guts for it, but she loves to make people look. At least thrice before they believe what they see. Gotta love the huge brass balls she has.


That is self-explanatory...






Name:  Valerie Orszagh
DoB:  20.10.1991, Bratislava, Czeckoslovakia
Family: -
Lives:  Heliopolis, Island of Selenia
Work:  -
BFF:  Slavica Setzinger
Hockey idols: 
Vladimir Orszagh
Marian Hossa
Zigmund Palffy
Darius Kasparaitis

Friday, May 24, 2019

G75 Dominika Hasek

 Eldest of the triplets, Dominika. Flexible and determined, she refuses to be stopped, no matter what.

The third goalkeeper with basically a slinky for a spine. She's always looking after her little sisters as well.
Like Kriza, I dunno much about her, she's bit of a mystery as well. Also still wondering why she and Kriza went blonde, they seemed to like it very well in black or their usual combo, purple and silver. Hmm, should ask them.

Song... well, because Lambert, as she said it.







Name:  Dominika Hasek
DoB:  15.5.1991, Bratislava, Czeckoslovakia
Family:
   Siblings: Luckrezia & Hennida
Lives:  -
Work:  -
BFF:  Kriza Hasek
Hockey idols: 
Tomas Vokoun
Dominik Hasek
Martin Brodeur

Thursday, May 23, 2019

F29 Xenya Fyodorovna





 Xenia, a illegit child of a hockey star, whose gotten almost everything in her life, but still has a humble heart. She was replacing Frankie for a short while and like Sofia, never really left, proving herself to be a player of importance to the team.

She plays violin in her spare time and is an olympic level archer, one of Russia's best. Nowadays she mostly does archery and fashion designing, owning a shop called Russian Fashion in Selenia's Royal Mall with fellow artist (singer & designer Marina Kuznetsova)
They both also do their own modeling for the store and they are almost best of friends despite the age difference.

Xenia is bubbly and easy to laugh, sometimes fumbles about and ends up hurting herself in different ways.

What a klutz.

Song is... well, it just fits her in some way, maybe it's the violin here.


Name:  Xenya Fyodorovna
DoB:  08.08.1991, Yekaterinburg, USSR
Family: -
Lives:  Selenia, Island of Selenia
Work:  Archer, designer
BFF:  Marina Kuznetsova
Hockey idols: 
Sergey Fedorov

Wednesday, May 22, 2019

D5 Slavica Setzinger


The tough bitch. Slavy was the one to send guys flying, basically a bowling ball for a defender.

And rather intense metal fan at times. She's as hard as her music taste. She's usually redheaded, but her wife, a French designer thought she'd need a makeover and completely flipped her colors and she has stuck with it so far, so maybe this is her thing really. Though I kinda digged the red and black punk mohawk.

While some don't quite reflect myself, she's maybe my tough girl attitude that some said in junior high to be fake, but if I hadn't known that you will nearly always get caught from murder, she and many others would have been dead. Perhaps she's my violent side.

Slavy was taught how to play drums by Mirka and has developed her own style since. She's also rather decent singer, with her raspy and low, almost manly voice.

And she loves her motorcycle. Damn, should take a picture of her with it this summer. She sold her old one to help finance some new instruments for the band, and her new drums, so what did wife do? Buy her a new one.

Also, that isn't the most of piercings she's had on her face.

As a doll, I'm not entirely happy with her body, but the skintone is so one of a kind, a body swap is not an option, Asuka from WWE dolls was too yellow-ish and while she's just... white! So, plan for me at least, is to get Apoxie Sculpt to make some body modifications, mainly on her arms and legs, I can't make her fully articulated, I don't have the skills and balls for that, but at least I can make her arms and legs appear more accurate, since she and Mirka are the heavy built duo, who still pump iron, so skinny arms and legs are rather... unappealing. At least to me as a doll collector.

Her song is just ... well if you can get it translated, it's self-explanatory.


Name:  Slavica "Slavy" Setzinger
DoB:  28.11.1991, Horn, Austria
Family:
   Spouse: Victoria Francés
Lives:  Selenia, Island of Selenia
Work:  Drummer
BFF:  -
Hockey idols: 
Ari Vallin
Slava Kozlov

Tuesday, May 21, 2019

F24 Minya Heat-Lynch


Minya, the accident prone Canadian. And also very stubborn. She had broken her leg with her scooter when she was 16 and before it had healed, broke it again, this time so bad it had to be amputated. Her right leg is an artificial one now.

She also hasn't skated since, which bums her out. At least she can now freely pursue her other career choice, opera singer. She's quite a soprano.  Minya was the first line center and was the brains of the line Serafina-Minya-Leena hurricane of a lineup. They were the stun gun of the team, taking out the sharpest edge of the opposing team's attack.

She's been mostly in her hometown of Montreal since, but did move to Ottawa later.




Name:  Minya Heat-Lynch
DoB:  28.07.1991, Montreal, Canada
Family: -
Lives:  Ottawa, Canada
Work:  Singer
BFF:  Frankie Montoya, Zeyeta Ventura
Hockey idols: -

Monday, May 20, 2019

D6 Anjeylica Tenkrát-Ran (A)


Older of the Tenkrat twins, or simply put, Twins. Also the healthy one, minus depression when Sera was in hospital with cancer, clinging to life and she was falling apart with a surprise twin pregnancy.

The speedy first line defender turned to a mother of twins via being a professional guitarist in SnegDisastru before joining Dinner Date Selenia. Boy did she get a catch. She later married her date of choosing (in later episode of Don't Tell the Bride Selenia) and is now a mother of a baby girl. Minttu, Petr (Petteri) and Aino are now her brood in entirety and Kwan is just doting them all.

She's quite open and reliable, she won't turn you away from her door and is always willing to help a friend and lend an ear, when you need to vent. She loves hanging out with friends too or just at the dojang, improving her tae kwon do rank.

As a doll she's a bit tricky. She has stiff legs in a pose but at least jointed arms. Her doll model is Raquelle, so there is no MtM body possible and more posable dolls are hard to come by. She is also one of the unfortunate glue heads and while rerooting isn't hard, it's the rooted lashes that cause the trouble.

Song, well, the Twins are really close and the song hits close to home, they are each others' idols. Along with their dad.


Name:  Anjeylica Tenkrát-Ran
DoB:  12.05.1991, Kladno, Czeckoslovakia
Family:
   Father: Mika Korppi
   Mother: Kara Tenkrat
   Sister: Serafina Tenkrat
   Spouse: Kwan Ran
   Children: Minttu, Petr, Aino
Lives:  Selenia, Island of Selenia
Work:  Guitarist
BFF:  Serafina Tenkrat
Hockey idols: 
Ilkka Mikkola
Marek Zidlicky


Sunday, May 19, 2019

F27 Lucrezia Hasek

Middle sister Kriza is the joker of the siblings, the class clown in a way, but not too over the top. Why she wanted to go blonde, I dunno.

She's younger of the identical twins, or at least the smaller of the two. She played as a forward, able to play right and left (most of the team were right-handed) and was one of the trustworthy players. Sometimes she got worked up too much and spent time in the penalty box, but she learned from her mistakes and cooled off.

As for song, catchy and she likes to dance.

Name:  Lucrezia Hasek
DoB:  15.5.1991 Bratislava, Czeckoslovakia
Family:
   Siblings Dominika, Hennida,
Lives:  -
Work:  -
BFF:  -
Hockey idols: 
Patrik Stefan
Marian Hossa
Miroslav Satan

Saturday, May 18, 2019

D13 Anabel Damatta

 The Japanese pocket rocket, Anabel, or Beru, how she was nicknamed by somebody, don't remember who.

She's the little brainiac, smallest of the team, but never the one you should underestimate.

Many bullied her in school in Finland because she was half Japanese and half Brazilian, though I believe it was mostly because even in my books, that is a nationality combo that creates the most gorgeous people, another being Japan/India combo. Wow. She's quite often defending those bullied and when she's not busy being a coder, she's making sure nobody is bullied.

Little sister Keiko
She never told me she had a little sister, but she does. Keiko is a young track athlete, just as skilled in sports as her sister and adorable. I swear, cute as a button.


Name:  Anabel Damatta
DoB:  16.10.1991 Osaka, Japan
Family:
   Father: Hektor Damatta
   Mother: Ayume Kinyama
Lives:  Heliopolis, Island of Selenia
Work:  Coder
BFF:  -
Hockey idols: 
Steve Kariya

Friday, May 17, 2019

D26 Hennida Hasek

 Oh wow, super busy. Here's Hennida, who used to be pretty much the runt of the litter, the second smallest defender of the team .She's all grown up. And pretty.

She's youngest of the triplets and always a bit different from her sisters, who were identical twins. Shy and withdrawn, but with a slapshot hard enough to create serious damage, maybe her wiry frame enabled her to have slapshot from hell.

Hennida has always stayed distant to everyone, but nobody ever had anything bad to say about her. Who would, she was sweetest thing from the getgo.

The Hasek triplets, the twins have gone blonde instead of staying brunettes

As for the song, well, it seems to have been her fave since she heard it, so... Gotta like Enya's voice though.


Name:  Hennida Hasek
DoB:  15.5.1991, Bratislava, Czeckoslovakia
Family:
   Siblings: Dominika & Lucrezia
Lives:  Bratislava, Slovakia
Work:  -
BFF:  -
Hockey idols: 
Tomas Kaberle
Mikko Lehtonen
Joni Pitkänen

Thursday, May 16, 2019

F61 Anastasia Afinogenova-Williams


Ana, aka Empress. The eyecatcher of the bunch.

Fast skater, beautiful and a good singer. I was pointed out my favorites tend to get more attention in face-ups and body transplants and I have to admit, true.

Ana is one of my favorite dolls I've put together, still not perfectly satisfied with this doll, due to the glue head syndrome, on which she is in a serious watch list and actually does have new hair set aside, just seeing how long can I postpone rerooting her.

She fell in love with a tattoo artist who moved next door and soon they were married, they actually were in the Selenia's version of Don't Tell the Bride some years back and she now has two children with Axel Williams, Max and Tamara, aka Tammy.

She's also the singer of SnegDisastru, a job that has build her with more confidence in herself since the cancer treatments. She was diagnosed with cancer when she was 15, but she is perfectly fine now.

That is a nice tan for someone so light, isn't it? She loves to swim and try new things but also enjoys just sitting home and sewing, when she's not on tour.


Name:  Anastasia Afinogenova-Williams
DoB:  20.02.1991, Moscow, USSR
Family:
   Spouse: Axel Williams
   Children: Maxim, Tamara
Lives:  Selenia, Island of Selenia
Work:  Singer
BFF:  Olga-Tatyana Oveshkina, Mirka Kovalchuk
Hockey idols: 
Maxim Afinogenov
Maxim Sushinsky
Sergei Fedorov
Andrej Potaichuk

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

D15 Jirka Hajek

 Whoops, forgot a bit.

This is the quiet Czech, while the Twins are her polat opposites, they won't shut up! They do get along, she's a little piece of home, despite Kladno and Prague being far apart.

She was a defender, a solid presence who always did her best. She came in to fill in Mirka while she was on sick leave and never really left. I do love her reddish waves.

Jirka is kind and patient, almost shy even, unless she's doing things she good at, be it hockey, drums, slalom. She's big fan of winter sports and can often be spotted at events, skijumping, slalom, hockey.

She is maybe more like I was as a kid, shy and the silent observer, but I did get into trouble my fair share, I dunno about her, maybe, like me, she wants to bury them deep and in best case, forget. I'd love to.

One of her favorite songs is Kabat - Mala Dama, Czech heavy metal, but I chose Katy Perry's I Kissed a Girl because it rings true, she did find unexpectedly love within the team, one of the Russians.

Name:  Jirka Hajek
DoB:  29.9.1991, Prague, Czeckoslovakia
Family:
   Spouse: Sofia Frolova
Lives:  -
Work:  -
BFF:  Anjeylica Tenkrat
Hockey idols: 
Tomas Kaberle



Tuesday, May 14, 2019

G31 Riina Nurminen


"Riina, for f*cks sake, take your meds!"
"They ran out last week."
"...Lord, save us..."

That was the typical to be heard with the team. Riina is the third goalkeeper in the team and has quite the case of ADHD, unable to stay still and she's just all over the place without her meds. Mirka, Frankie, Katrina and Lukrezia usually got pretty much grey hairs or a small mental breakdown when they had to deal with her longer than three hours off her meds.

She's maybe not the most responsible, but she's a sweet girl. She just doesn't have the ability to sit down and listen to your woes. At least not still. She's mostly doing physical stuff to keep her excess energy spent, but she's the epitome of restlessness.

Maybe she's like me, restless at times, unable to focus, I dunno, but she can be annoying to be around with.

Song, well, that could be her day at worst.



Name:  Riina Mariaana Nurminen
DoB:  14.12.1991, Hollola, Finland
Family: -
Lives:  -
Work:  -
BFF:  Mirka Kovalchuk
Hockey idols: 
Pasi Nurminen
Jarmo Myllys
Jan Lundell

Monday, May 13, 2019

G35 Katrina Yelenka


Katrina, daughter of the team's owners, eldest of three siblings, Niki and Nina. A goalkeeper and a mother hen, yeah, that's her in a nutshell.

She's actually at nursing school and will be a paramedic, but does some drum tech work to fund her studies.




Her mother Oksana Yelenka is the team owner and with her husband, rather wealthy sports equipment manufacturers, but she's the type who wants to make her own fortune, so to speak, so she rarely asks for anything from home. She does have her little sister living with her at the dorm at times, so she can learn English.


Her song, well, she's Ukrainan and a big fan of Ruslana, so...




Name:  Katrina Yelenka
DoB:  27.1.1991, Dnipropetrovsk, Ukraine
Family:
   Father: Mihkail Yelenka
   Mother: Oksana Yelenka
   Brother: Nikita
   Sister: Nina
Lives:  Selenia, Island of Selenia
Work:  Student
BFF:  Dominika Hasek
Hockey idols: 
Jarmo Myllys
Pekka Rinne 

Sunday, May 12, 2019

F92 Mikayla Nylander

 "Blondie" or most likely the one to kick you in the face for it. "Mikke" is the classic Swedish-born blue-eyed blonde, but not overly patriotic, she doesn't really give a shite about the nationality and doesn't let it define her.

As a hockey player she was the "old reliable" despite being the youngest of the team. Not afraid to take the shot and block it, bruises fade.

She married rather young, at 20, but has been married to Japanese-born guitarist Takeshi Junko (Arai) for 7-ish years now and is a successful keyboardist, though she was rather shit before Kathleen took over in teaching her the ropes.

Mikayla looks sweet but as we all know, looks are so deceiving. She can serve your ass to you on a platter. I'd probably describe her as unpredictable because she doesn't say her thoughts aloud often, so when she does do something she's planned for a while, she surprises her friends.

The song? Well... This was her jam in teen years and Marie kinda looks like her. Honestly!

Name:  Mikayla Nylander-Junko (Arai)
DoB:  1.1.1992, Stockholm, Sweden
Family:
   Spouse: Takeshi Junko (Arai)
Lives:  Selenia, Island of Selenia
Work:  Keyboardist
BFF:  Sandra Boumediene, Serafina Tenkrat
Hockey idols: -

Saturday, May 11, 2019

F39 Zeyeta Ventura

 Zeta... Damn, what can I say. She and her twin brother were almost typical Americans, for half-black half-Native American. Lakota tribe descent, actually. Her heritage is a jumble of flags. Let's just go with that.

She's the resident rapper and a motor mouth, with pretty similar to her mother by personality.
She was the body blocker of the team, always covered in bruises for blocking shots, but somebody has to do it, you know!

She's just recently come to Selenia, even though most of the band she now works with is already in there, but she's bit of a... well, likes to do things her own way. Let's just say it like that.

Zeyeta has lived in Sioux Falls for 7 years, then in Chicago until 12, then back until two years ago or so. She's not that close with anybody else in her family, except her mother Diantha and her twin, Acen. Who is never around. Traveling the world.

Name:  Zeyeta "Raven Eyes" Ventura
DoB:  26.9.1991, Sioux Falls, USA
Family:
   Mother: Diantha Ventura
   Brother: Acen Ventura
Lives:  Heliopolis, Island of Selenia
Work:  Sound technician
BFF:  Kya Roach, Frankie Montoya, Minya Heat-Lynch
Hockey idols: 
Alexey Jashin
Sakari Palsola
Jordin Tootoo
Jonathan Cheechoo


Friday, May 10, 2019

F42 Maarit Vänttinen


Another former player turned model and I'm so jealous of that hair (actually color changes from heat).

Maarit is a patient being who loves to hang out outside, or wherever you want company to.

She's a bit more private person, despite being a model, but who knows what goes on in a person's mind unless they don't stop talking and foaming at the mouth about their things (I'm looking at the orange turd across the Atlantic)

In the team, she was a decent player, the type you could send out in any situation, she kept her cool and stayed rational. With Maria and Xenia, they were the workers, who didn't score so often, but made sure nobody scored behind their goalie while they were on ice.

Song choice for her just seemed to fit and it's not the hair, I swear. It just screams her to me, even if she doesn't always open up to people and talk.





Name:  Maarit Vänttinen
DoB:  4.2.1991, Oulu, Finland
Family: -
Lives:  Oulu, Finland
Work:  Model
BFF:  Maria Lintula
Hockey idols:
??

Thursday, May 9, 2019

F8 Leena Peltomaa


Oh wow, Sera's best friend and almost literal partner in crime. Leena and she were usually called collectively instead of terrible twosome as Serlena. They were best friends from Day 1. Another one person riot.

She's smart, surprisingly smart actually, she's an electrical engineer, mostly doing her other profession nowadays, light tech for the band.

She was the other winger as Serafina was the other, so they were wreaking havoc in the first minute of two of the game. She's tiny, but that wasn't gonna stop her. And it didn't.

She's usually bunking with Sera, when her bf isn't home and since her twin has moved out, so their neighbors (including former teammate Anastasia a floor below) usually have to listen a whole lot of Guitar Hero and laughter.

Leena is from a whole different area than me and so, I don't know of how different her personality is from that of an average Finnish girl from Tampere region. That's where she grew up. Her father died when she was young, of hereditary illness, that she oddly enough, didn't inherit. I'm guessing mom has some explaining to do from the 90's...

Choice of songs... Well, she's hilarious and unpredictable, I was even thinking of Joker's Song from Miracle of Sound, but Mind of the Bat sounds something she's singing or humming while rewiring something. I just know she would.


Name:  Leena Helena Peltomaa
DoB:  6.3.1991, Tampere, Finland
Family:
   Mother: Meeri Peltomaa
Lives:  Heliopolis, Island of Selenia & Tampere, Finland
Work:  Engineer, light technician
BFF:  Serafina Tenkrát
Hockey idols: 
Jussi Jokinen
Janne Pesonen
Teemu Selänne
Saku Koivu

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

F36 Maria Lintula

 Maria from Oulu, one of the newer additions to the team, but quickly took her place and proved Oulu really is a hockey city.

She's not bad of a singer either, studying Sámi dialects (Finnish indigenous people) and doing some modeling on the side. She continued hockey 5 years after the team's demise, having actually the longest track record of games out of the whole team as it was 10 years ago.

Her doll, as well as Serafina's, isn't mine, but the character is and I think the doll is gorgeous. I totally see Maria with grown out hair and slimmer figure when I look at her, but still with that no-bullshit attitude. I think. I don't know what others see when looking at her.

If I absolutely have to give her a personality trait I have, I think she's part of my old dreams. Runway model (before instead of growing up, I grew wide) and studying languages. Who knows where she'll be going in her life. She's scoring gigs as a photoshoot model every now and then in Selenia, so that is a start.

Song for her is one of my faves as well and I can totally see her dancing to it.



Name:  Maria Jennifer Lintula
DoB:  30.11.1991, Oulu, Finland
Family: -
Lives:  Selenia, Island of Selenia
Work:  Model, language study
BFF:  Maarit Vänttinen
Hockey idols: 
Michal Bros
Jussi Jokinen
Joonas  Donskoi
Jari Viuhkola

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

F81 Olga-Tatyana Oveshkina

 Olga, one of the three original Russians in the team and has lived in Finland the second longest of all the foreigners, only Mirka has lived longer, then Sera and Anje.

Always thin and lithe, her career suffered from her depression and eating disorder, but life is going better for her, she's more focused on her violin playing and psychology studies, that she came to finish in Selenia University.
Olga is one of the more enigmatic characters and I don't know much of her, but she's a kind and quiet, the silent observer who always knows more than people think. That's partial what type of person I am. Nobody expects me to have actually listened (nowadays I really don't listen, if I really have things to do and focus on)

She's Russian, but not really proud of it, she's bit of a wall flower, rather, though in the rink, she was in the second attack line (AOO line) with her best friend Anastasia and Valerie.
Shoulder to cry on? She's the one. No matter if you call her in the middle of the night and need to rant, she'll just make a cuppa and sit down to listen. She may not be able to help, but at least you can unwind.

Song choice is her fave artist and song, I agree, a good one.


Name:  Olga-Tatyana Oveshkina
DoB:  11.6.1991, Moscow, USSR
Family: -
Lives:  Heliopolis, Island of Selenia
Work:  Student
BFF:  Anastasia Afinogenov-Williams, Valerie Orszagh, Mirka Kovalchuk
Hockey idols: 
Alexandr Ovechkin
Petr Ton
Mika Pyörälä
Sergei Fedorov

Monday, May 6, 2019

F62 Serafina Tenkrát (A)

 My best friend, Serafina, one person riot and the wild child. She was one of the first to be made into dolls, in first 5 I think, not actually sure.
Out of all of them, her lookalike doll is actually second that is not really my doll, but belongs to JS. She gave her Sera's adult signature look, the Cloud Strife -hairstyle and I added tattoos, none of them sadly visible with these pics and clothes.

Her doll is still not perfect, because she is usually completely make-up free and doesn't really wear big earrings, but I'm not permitted to change her looks other than the tattoos and clothing. I'm guessing somebody dolled her up.

Sera is younger of the half-Czech half-Finnish twins, she was always the smaller one, but that made her a fast skater. She's also rather restless and since they were taught how to skate at the age of 5, she's been on ice and since the age of 10, playing guitar.

As of today, it's 6 days to her and Anje's 28th birthday, by today she has been the hockey star and co-captain of the team, 10 years as a professional guitarist in a band (about 10, who's counting?) and 6 years free of the cancer that nearly claimed her life.

She's the type of friend I never had, a hilarious personality, who likes the same things as I, trampoline, good music, skating, imitating, movies and cosplaying.

She's maybe part of my tomboy side, not too fond of dresses and pink. She's supposed to be rather small, like me, but dolls being what they are, she's actually just about as tall as most.


Name:  Serafina "Sera" Tenkrát
DoB:  12.5.1991, Kladno, Czechoslovakia
Family:
   Father: Mika Korppi
   Mother: Kara Tenkrat-Korppi
   Twin: Anjeylica Tenkrát-Ran
   Spouse: **** *****
Lives:  Selenia, Island of Selenia
Work:  Guitarist, cosplayer
BFF:  Darial Kuznetsova, Leena Peltomaa
Hockey idols: 
Petr Tenkrat
Tony Salmelainen
Tuomo Ruutu

Sunday, May 5, 2019

F17 Frankie Montoya

 Frankie Melissa Montoya. Quite a curve ball she threw at me. I always thought she was Caucasian, but turns out she has also Asian roots. That was surprising.
These things with dolls do actually just happen, you don't necessarily know who the doll is right away in the store or even when you've gotten them out of the box. She's one of them. She apparently likes flashy make-up, just to make a point.
Frankie is one of them who has more backstory than others, it all depends on what they want to share with me later. Her house burnt down when her little sister was a tot and they got separated when her parents thought she was dead, while she simply hitched a ride out of town over an argument with a former hockey team friend. She lived in Montreal for years before joining her friends to come to a new team formed in Finland as an equipment testing team. 

Her parents and sister later found her when the team began gathering notoriety and she was reunited with them until their parents were shot as a result of a robbery gone wrong. Her sister took the bullet for her big sister, which brought them even closer.

She's rather open to new things and sometimes has admitted acting before thinking.
Little sister Marie Felicia, newly graduated pharmacist

Frankie was a agile skater and decent handed, so she did have a share of the team's total of goals ever made. She is one of my favorites and dearest friends, maybe because of Canadian kindness and slightly mischevious behavior.

She shares my passion for hockey, metal music and now sadly gone Atlanta Thrashers. She is not overly patriotic, as am not I either, but she'd still be one of those tourists from Canada covered in Canadian flags.

Frankie was bummed out her best friend Minya was injured in a scooter accident that ended her career (more of her later) and was even more hostile when she was replaced with Christina "Bolt" Hannigan, who she had a quarrel with, back in Vancouver. She probably wanted to smack her into next week with her skateboard.

Well, that dispute is over and she's now married to Christina, so maybe the Finnish saying Rakkaudesta se hevonenkin potkii wasn't all bullshit. (Even a horse kicks from love). I can feel her glaring at me right now XD Yes, even a doll can look at you funny. And no, I'm not crazy. I hope.

The song, well, I thought of Mya's All About The Money, which she has liked to sing for years, but she chose this. I have to admit, I approve of this choice as well.

What she represents? Maybe all the things I wanted to do as a kid. Skateboard, be outgoing (I was the shyest kid you'd find, unless you got to know me and I turned out to be a total weirdo)

She's the type to try out new things, something I don't like to do, because they usually ended badly for me, so maybe she's also that. My courage to do things.



Name:  Frankie Melissa Montoya
DoB:  3.12.1991
Family:
   Sister: Marie Felicia
   Spouse: Christina "Bolt" Hannigan
Lives:  Selenia, Island of Selenia
Work:  Guitar technician, music store clerk
BFF:  Mirka Kovalchuk, Minya Heat-Lynch, Zeyeta Ventura
Hockey idols: 
 Marian Hossa
 Mika Pyörälä
 Martin St.Louis

Limbo, my old friend

 Jesus Christ. I just can't take this shit anymore.  I've been on suspension from my unemployment support until yesterday. Everythin...