Need to vent out

It's the moments like these, when I start to think, what the actual fuck do I want from my life. Well, I sure as hell don't have the answers. I don't know. I've always been let off the hook easily, while other kids did household chores to earn pocket money, I didn't even understand why they would do that. Sure, I did things, but all I got was a pat to the head and few kind words. I rarely got money. I did was I knew best. Played and sprung forth the power of my imagination. Sometimes, it was a bad thing, since I got nightmares easily.

I did try to work hard at the first grade, after being an arrogant bitch during  preschool and such. My classmates (which included a grade above us) mocked me for "overdoing" my homework. Nobody told me how much to do and since I knew how to do them, I did. After that, it went downhill. There were only few subject where I did my homework, but it lessened every year. I've practically gotten through my schools by doing nothing.

Sure, at the amusement park, I was have to work hard and it was more pleasant working than picking strawberries. I'm lazy and just... hopeless. I usually leave everything at the last minute and it always comes around to bite me in the ass and I spent a week with not much sleep and push through.

I just want to... be. Exist. Be somebody. Mean something. And in the end, I'd rather be nobody, just... retreat back to my imaginary worlds and to the only person who seems to genuinely have the patience.
Yeah, I know, I need money and I need a job for that. I'm just such a loser it's a miracle I even got to the place I'll be practicing the next month. They were right. They all were fucking right... I'm nothing... I'm just a kid with too wild imagination and no sense of reality, coupled with bitchy attitude. I fucking give up.


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