Not too bad. Some improvement suggestions from the teacher, but I ain't redoing anything. I simply CAN'T! It's all there now and that's it. I'm done and I kinda like that. Sure, I could have done better with some things, but at least I did it. And that's not official.
Spent 6 hours making the brochure for my arts and crafts. I don't think it's gonna go through to teacher, but at least I'm happy with it. That should be enough, because I ain't redoing it. My wrists are hurting like hell...
She's sick. I want her to be able to continue her work, but so far, it's not looking good. I'm kinda thinking is it because she hates her work, that makes her sick when she's supposed to go to school, but I don't know. I just don't like watching her being sick. While I'm sick and tired of this whole ordeal and I can't skip.
We had snow here for a little over a week, now there is rather warm, 4,4C and it's all melting away. It's slippery as hell, the whole school area is covered in clear ice. I love snow, so this is a big hit to my mood, now everything will be black again and I don't like that. Can I move somewhere shit cold?
I don't know of the current condition of my depression, there are times when I scare myself with my dark thoughts, but then again, I'm a writer with a wild imagination. I torture people in my songs and stories to vent out all the issues within me.
Right now I could do with a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows…
Things are not going that great again. Well, at least it's snowing and lot. Still. I need to make a brochure of something of my own. I would have made a flyer for our band, despite it being mostly inactive, but our new keyboardist has given me hope.
I'm photographing my pumpkins, finding new settings from my camera every day. Not feeling so hot though, cough and sleep deprivation... Gotta toss a friend and her dog home, stay with the dog and do groceries for J and I. Don't want to... Be with the dog I mean.
Look at the size difference of these kitties. The black one is mine, the fudge colored is around the school area.
Here I am, sitting at the photoshop class after all. I've gone through this once already, I just don't have an official certificate... Let's see how this goes...
I'm still feeling like shit, but hey, at least school has new computers. That is small as hell. The goddamn screen is bigger than the computer itself. I'm quite confused. Get ready for a shitton of ramble filled updates. I mean it. I might actually start doing something productive. This has Word10 ^^ Yup, I'm clearly tired, because I'm rambling nonsense.
Where to begin? Gramps is still prissy about us having a cat. I'm not bringing it home with me, that seems to be the thing he simply doesn't hear. The upcoming weekend I'm spending at my fiancée's place, to get Goldeneye settled there better with us both around. Or it could be that the granduncle is still there next weekend and I haven't seem him around in ages. Sure, he's fun guy and all.
The next was that we slept poorly at friend's place. We caught up at the expense of school. Sure, we both felt like shit in the morning, I still feel like shit. Teacher sent a message: "Get to work now! Or are you sick, because you're not here?" Guess do I feel any better... I'm just so tired of this. They either forget I exist, or they pick on me for being friends with the youngest of our class, who also tends to throw tantrums. I sound like a fucking hypocrite to complain, but nobody has idea what it is like to be me. Nobody.
Yesterday was pretty shit. Been feeling like shit for a while now. We are out of money, so we don't have much food, I'm quite weak from hunger, but I guess I'll get used to it. On top of all, I couldn't really sleep last night, so I'm exhausted, dizzy and all. We were supposed to clean up yesterday, nope. Today, absolutely no.
Supposed to spend the weekend once again in Tervola, only issue is, I don't even wanna know, how messy the apartment will be. I might go fucking crazy, if I'm have to clean the whole place again. Anyways... Right now, we have another big project to plan, we all are making designs. Mine includes napkin lotuses and northern lights.
One previous student returned for a day again. This time she brought her brat. He's driving me nuts! Whiny as heck.
Sitting at arts class. Where I don't want to be. I hate forcing the art out of me. I had a major flow last night, wrote several pages of my fanfiction and broke two hearts by killing our mutual favorite a second time. In the first part, I killed him physically, now I killed his spirit in the spirit world. Eh. I'm sick and twisted.
I really gotta write here more often, but my computer with Windows 8 is a fuckton harder to use, also shitty to the bone, to the motherfucking last byte, so I gotta use this more often, the school web works until 23, so I'd be just fine. Using two accounts at the same time works with this laptop, but not on my desktop, which is fucking odd.
I've slept few hours only, so I'm a bit like... drunk. Though I'm not. I'm just tired.
That one woman in our class talks with everyone else but me. As soon as I say something, she looks elsewhere and doesn't respond, barely answers me when I ask something. I just hope she leaves soon. I'm guessing she has problems with me being with another woman. Well, I have few chosen words to say about her, but better shut up for now. She called me lazy when I was helping with the curtains. Well excuse you, you were gone for three days and I cut and ironed around 150 meters of fabric, you haven't done much compared to me. Now, I'm writing my essay/whatever and she is just sitting around. Sure, headache and such are good excuses... But since you are here and have time to kill, use it.
Fell in love with that Dio song. Oh well. We are gonna spend 5 days with our cat at our friend's apartment, when she's off for some time. Looking forward to it. Timo and Jani's gig is tomorrow, I didn't ask gramps send Blackoustic, which now kinda pisses me off, but I have their autographs in the Cain's Offering - Gather the Faithful CD, so that kinda eases me.
Saw magnificent northern lights last night, I've slept only two or so hours, so...
So... I sent audition video for The Voice of Finland. I sang Hunting High and Low, though in the end, I sung Malja much better. About that song...
I sung this today as I was hanging up the laundry and the few Forestry guys were sitting nearby and complimented the song, maybe even my singing, I didn't hear them over Jani and myself.
What else... Oh yesssss. We have a cat now. We cannot keep him in the dorm, so a friend is housing him. He's about 2-years old and a complete lapcat. Yellow eyes, otherwise he is pitch black. Such a playful charmer.
Aaaaaand theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen... I'm writing more fanfiction. I improved Winterheart's Guild, which became my flagship, my best fic so far. I'm making a sequel for it and made a major breakthrough just now. And found two new bands in the process. For My Pain... and Reflexion. Oh lord that singer. Wonderful voice and the most feminine looks I've ever seen on a guy. Juha Kylmänen is his name.
Been busy, moving in and settling down. And starting school. This was quite interesting. We've gotten settled to the B4 easily enough, despite we have only one key, which I keep, since I have more flexible classes. Works out pretty fine and if I work late or go to the band room, she gets the key from me.
I finished my harnesk weaves. Or rather, attached them to the backboards. And redid them the next day. I had mismeasured and halfassed the attaching, but right now, after half an inch was sawed off from every side. Except the biggest, which I managed to nail at the first try.
Work is piling up on me right now. Next project is gonna be wristbands with miniature looms I borrowed. I love it, seriously. Then the carpet. Tiger carpet. And fix jeans. Tomorrow, we start dyeing wool yarn. It's gonna be interesting. We do various odd jobs while at it and my other half and I are gonna go see Kaamea Rangaistus, which is a band formed by police from Tornio. This is gonna be awesome.
Granny talks to her hallucinations once in an hour. How am I supposed to sleep there? I have difficulties falling asleep because of my brain, which is on constant overdrive. Most likely because I don't write my ideas down anymore. I really need to write more. Came back downstairs to load some power to my MP3 for the trip today, I know I'm gonna lose it if I can't listen to Timo or Tony...
Busted my ankle last Saturday. I stepped on a big, jagged rock while jogging 20m and now my right leg is done for. Pain shoots up from the spot I stepped the rock... Had to rely on granny's crutch (after I lifted it two notches, I'm taller) last night. Better today, been itching to hop on my bike, but maybe later. And I think I need to reapply that gel... pain is returning.
Also working on drawings that I could sell. If I only had a place to sell them. I don't have a credit card.
That's pretty much all I've been doing recently. Reading and writing Naruto fics, watching some episodes and been in Karma two weekends in a row. Apparently my relative found Tiikeri a lot nicer place, it has unique side of it. They got milkshakes last night, now I want my own... I might, once gramps goes elsewhere, go and fetch that walnut ice cream.
Not sure how much more can I handle this. I still haven't told anything to my grandparents and their comments about me needing a guy and shit hurt like hell. I know I cannot tell and that tears me apart. We seriously need to try and get a job once we get back to Lapland to earn some extra money. My freelance artist work doesn't get me enough money. I'm so frustrated I could cry.
Yesterday was full of misunderstandings from so many parties I'm not bothering to correct them and simply just ignore the people I'm tired of. I can manage without them. One of them being my dad. I've had it of this shit. If I had The Sims 2 here, I'd play it and make my dream home there, play everyday... To distance myself from my grandparents... All the plates, glasses, utensils, mugs, even a teapot I found from our storage made me wanna scream and cry.
This twists the knife in my back... it's hella accurate.
Maybe we can get some sidejobs from Kemi and Keminmaa. And get an ap…
I should start soon, but obviously, not tonight. I slept almost 15 hours, which tells how tired I was. It took me a while to fall asleep, but I'm grateful that I could sleep a whole night. Dorm was peaceful, but also restless, which irked me. We got wonderful news right before we left. We got to B4, which is terraced house! We don't need to live in the Sunflower anymore with idiots and broken doors! Only the cleanest get to the terraced and with our after Christmas 7 roses row brought us the victory. Clear victory.
I think I'm gonna setup my printer to the laptop now and then start coloring the Hydra.
By the way, you are not gonna believe the sheer amount of mosquitoes. They usually do gather on me, but rarely bite. Last night, as soon as I was out of my car, I was covered in them. That was insane, but this hot HOT summer is perfect for them, so... Yikes.
Wasn't able to drive the whole trip, had to ask my fiancée to drive rest of the way. I passed out rather soon after I was sure she could handle the clutch so she wouldn't give me a rude awakening. Rather deserted road though.
Currently uploading me singing Hunting High and Low in our school spring party. I'll post it here as soon as I can. Some of my friends apparently won't be able to watch it, but I've heard that if you type ss infront of youtube in your url, it should work, you can download it.
...you aren't sure did your 5-year relationship just crash around you because of schoolwork doesn't leave you alone.
Not sure do I even want to live. Tomorrow is going to be hell, if this continues. Suddenly I don't feel like going to see Iron Man 3 in the theatre in Kemi. Seriously I don't. The packing is gonna take all night. Especially now that I got tossed out of our dorm room. I really don't know what to do now.
The last week is ahead of us and I should brave the wretched weaving again, this time with double cloth. Täkänä is what it's called in Finnish. It's a nightmare. You literally weave two weaves at the same time. I just can't. Nope. No.
Still at home, not for long though, have to brave the traffic again and what's the best, I have no money. Nada. Have to ask from grandparents again. At least 50€ to gas and 10 is enough to get me something to eat. Unless I try to make some sandwiches. Not feeling like it. Still haven't finished the two I made for Friday.
I'll spent the summer drawing and making jewelry. And losing weight.
You would never believe how much stuff we have here. Most of it is going today, some boxes stay in Lapland, as we take them to our friend's storage. Our room is dusty as hell and we are desperately trying to pack and clean, both are in pain and tired. I'm still have to pay for the gas and stuff. I'm exhausted already and my shoulders are killing me. I'm taking a break right now, but should soon head downstairs to my classroom to get the bill signed.
Past few times Mondays have been awesome. Today, I'm not so sure, I'm still sitting at my desktop, doing things I should have done on Friday, listening to new Battle Beast and calculating how much money I've lost with this shit.
Two weeks left... Two weeks to finish the silk painting, do these calculations. Teachers most likely don't have time to keep track of everybody. The seconds are working their asses off and whining for them constantly. Oh well.
Doing some serious packing as well, got three more boxes to fill, also got two bags from a friend, which to use. I'm so grateful of what they have done for us, I could cry. In my home area, nobody was ever this helpful.
I think not many people understand, what it's like to sit beside someone you care about, someone you love and that person is in serious pain, crying, passing out from the sheer pain. That has been too frequent recently and it's tearing me apart. I can do nothing, but sit beside her, while she takes insane amount of painkillers and only get relief hours later...
Thank god for the doctor's appointment on 10th. I'm running out of strength as well...
Working on art commissions and after struggling several weeks with not much money, it's finally payday, the last support for me arrives today. I don't have a summer job, so this summer will be spent with me doing completely crazy and sleepless. And without money. I wished to go to Satama Open Air to see Sonata, and to Tulivuorirock Unplugged, visit Imatra again, Tampere too, but no job, no money.
One of the artworks I was supposed to do was an acromantella. I'm utterly terrified of spiders and even the thoughts gives me goosebumps. Other creature I cannot draw is a horse-spider hybrid. I've never noped that hard in my life. Some people can cure their arachnophobia by getting a spider, the closer I get to a spider and the bigger it is, the closer I am to tears. Just no. Seriously no. I cannot even draw a spider anymore and I definitely can't touch a drawing of one. Even spider crabs are giving me the creeps. I haven't overly advertised in fb or anyplace else tha…
The dorms hold a MayDay party tonight, actually, right now, but as you can judge fro mthe fact I'm writing shit, we don't give a damn. True. We've been sleeping more or less ever since we came back from class. Didn't sleep that long at night, so now we are paying the price. Karaoke would be nice, but somehow, I just don't feel up for it anymore. There ain't many people around and those who are, I want to shoot.
I used to like MayDay, but the older I've gotten I've realized it's just another reason for brainless people to get piss drunk...
Somebody will die. That guy at the end of the hallway is driving most of us nuts here. It is his and our friend's cleaning duty. He doesn't even clean up after himself. Us two and at least two others are after his blood. He takes his clothes to dry in the wrong dryer room, in the changing room for animal caretakers. Apparently he is so afraid somebody will steal his clothes, he cannot leave them in the regular place... I don't give a shit where he leaves his clothes, but that was just awkward as hell, he must love the scent of cow shit, which is perfume compared to human shit.
Currently I'm working on art commission, I got a shit ton of drawings to do. Still trying to decide, how much do I ask for these. We are currently living on borrowed money and food donations from a friend and her family. This sucks.
Tired. So, damn, tired. And I have pretty much nothing to do in class.
One of these worse days. I feel like crying, breaking things, crying some more, screaming...
I think I might be stressed out. I don't have much money, I need to find a job, but from where... My grandparents are driving me crazy and dad and stepmom ain't being all that nice recently. One of these days when I don't know why I bother keeping in touch with all those people...
So, a guy here complained to the teacher that my fiancée fakes all her "pain/sickness" because he saw her going to the store in the middle of the week when she was absent. She barely managed to get to the bathroom the whole week and when we finally dared to venture outside together, it was weekend.
He doesn't know anything about her, the portfolio course barely scratched the surface. She fricking passed out from the pain that week. He might be just jealous because he can't lazy around here. He makes a huge mess in the kitchen, actually kicked my fiancée's shoes away to get his to that same spot. I was have to kick his shoes aside one day, because he left in the middle of the doorway. I would have been have to go around them and potentially get the girls' bathroom door to my face, or move them aside.
For the record, it was me who went to the store in the middle of the week back then.
Feels weird to be going to Southern Ostrobothnia again, but not to stay at my old home, but at my fiancée's. This will be an interesting Easter holiday. And this is the first time for me being on a train (a drunk guy just came past us from the restaurant car...) and being online at the same time. Feels... weird.
We just switched trains and they had witched cars so our seats didn't exist. Now we sit in the Extra-class, aka Business class. At least the internet works here, but I seemingly can't load the battery to my laptop. Oh, it works again.
Man this portfolio course is hard. I really need to think until my head fries. What makes the matters worse is that I have a nasty, gnawing stomach ache, which makes it hard to sit. Again. I should be making outlines for a portfolio about my own abilities.
Oh man, I simply don't know what to do or write. I tried creating a video one last night, but failed epicly. That didn't boost my tiny self confidence at all. Feels like I do nothing right.
Stratovarius package should be in Loue now, so should the EMP package too. Can't wait to get to listen Nemesis on an actual CD. Should have bought the digipak too, it'd have the bonus songs Fireborn and Hunter. They sound awesome. Maybe I should do Nemesis review. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.
Perhaps I should edit a bit that devArt account of mine. That is almost enough of a self portfolio. Maybe add a YouTube link to it. Let's see, I have until lunch and I'm stumped. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Fucking fuck! I spent over 80€ in two webshops, but that was pretty fine. What bites my ass is Finnish Railways and their outrageous prices. They remodeled their pricing system and boom, student tickets are over 30€, when it used to be barely 25€. We students don't have much money and on top of all, we live in a free dorm, which disables are living support benefits. I'm pretty much ready to kill somebody.
I'm dreading to see how much the Tampere tickets are... I'm off to look...70€. By bus, 98€. Holy hell. And we got a number for a possible rental apartment, but we'd need jobs first. I'm ready to frickin' cry...
That's pretty much it all. Slept late, then started reading two of my new books, then watched some Brosnan's 007, went downstairs to do some weaving related shit... Uploading more stuff to devArt... Dizzy...
This day started decent. Adding finishing touches to my Stratovarius shopping bag, tying the loom... And then. Teacher gave me good tips on how to do the Akatsuki robe. And in the end, she had no time to start it with me. There wasn't any available table space anyway. Then the both teachers left with most of the noisy second graders, no idea where and I was left there with my bag of fabrics, wondering what the hell should I do... Well, ironed the bag, tried to carve the stamps better until I grabbed my stuff and got out. As I asked the dorm supervisor to open the band room door for me sometime today, she asked if I remembered what day it was. Well, it's cleaning day, but we also have Valentine's Day rehearsals, I will be potraying my teacher (the previously mentioned one) and I need to dig both wigs, the blonde and the black Allegra from my closet. Sheesh. I really didn't need that one on today as well...
...I've been sick for over two weeks. These past two weeks have been theory lessons and I'm completely lost, I even screwed up the exam. It really hasn't gone that well here. Power blackouts, though they are less and less every day. It's just that... my fiancée isn't doing great either, not feeling at ease anywhere. Well, most of all at my class, but I have issues with my class seconds. They are dumb. Seriously. Some of them have small children...
I'm just so lost at the moment. Nothing goes like I plan them, or even how I try to. At the moment, I just feel like crying. No matter what I try or say, nothing changes. Well, not even Santa would listen to me, so... *sigh*
Birthday went, at least I had a cake, my fiancée and some presents. That saved a lot.
If there is somebody to read this. Damn, my computer was emptied and all programs rerun, now I'm in deep shit with this, when nothing works right. I was forced to use the school laptop during the Kissmyass and some of my passwords are only there, so now I'm HAVE to use it. Everything is falling apart. Everything.
Where to start? Today started pretty slow and shitty, I actually survived my last dentist visit with no numbing shot. Ow.
Another problem is the band. Christ it just isn't working. I'm several years older than them and they don't show up and it seems they are super busy (like being in the gym class from 6pm to 7pm while band practice is from 5pm to past 7pm) and most likely pissed off at me. I can't help it if my southern ostrobothnia attitude is too much for them. We are cruel people down there. Sheesh.
What else? People in the dorm slam their doors close so hard it's impossible to go and crash early.
My legs hurt. Seriously.