Showing posts from 2014

Busy three weeks...

Been working on a stand for the event this weekend. We both have worked our asses off and the teachers joked once too many and I flew off the handle, yelling at them to go to hell so we could continue building. It might have cost me the best grade, but at least one of the teachers realized they had gone too far and the crowd laughing at our stand was then dispersed. This is the pic of the still unfinished stand. It's simply held up  by duct tape and tables as supports behind the walls.

Two more days

And I'm a nervous wreck. Had a partial breakdown at work over a silly little thing. Reflective yarn, since I was untangling it, they thought it was too hard for me to spin it. Of course the boss said it's not my fault, since I wasn't trained, but still it hurt like a ton of bricks. I've been moodswingy lately, I put it all on hormones, stress and the heatwave.
People keep saying that place would be a perfect place for me to work, but I've started to heavily think otherwise. First of all, I want away from here and if I stay, it's off of my dream of leaving all this behind. I want to move to Kemi and start a life there with my sweet and our cat. I'm so torn between making my room look homey again or packing the rest of the shit away...
I've been doing steadily worse and worse in there as well, at least that's how it feels to me. I just... I just want it to be over with and get my peace back. I'm not cut out for working 9 to five, which I'm lit…

My poor nerves

Granny has been quite a handful lately. Jesus.
Last night, it was after midnight when the doorbell suddenly rang. Granny had completely forgot we have a proper bathroom and had ventured out in pitch dark and gone to the outhouse. And had locked herself out...
This morning, like yesterday, the first thing she did upon waking up was laugh out LOUD, waking me up before I was supposed to... Needless to say, I'm extra irked right now and listening to some music to try to keep my shit together for work. It's getting hard, I need sleep and I need silence. There's not that in here. I just want to move in with my fiancée, my cat and live in peace, away from granny and gramps.

Been listening to this the whole morning to prevent myself from killing someone. I'm just so fucking done with this. Seems like I need to take over upstairs with my laptop tonight, no matter what else I wanna do until my legs are better again. Fuck me sideways...

Tulivuorirock Unplugged vol 3

Third year in a row we are going there, this time for Jarkko Ahola and Timo Rautiainen & Jussi Lampi. My heels are killing me and I had a good day, until I was once again reminded that I don't know everything that is going on in the store. Now I feel like shit and wanna cry and crawl into a hole to die. I know what to make them as a thank you. A crocheted box with a modeling clay heart inside, within the heart, is a message, but only visible if they break it. Within the heart I'm gonna quote The 69 Eyes song Red. Blood red ornate heart in a black carpet rag crocheted box.
Hopefully you'll get what you wanted 
And hopefully you'll get what you need 
Red is like you always told me 
The colour of what is real 

When something is broken 
Left wide open 
Don't say you need me it's too late 
I cannot say 
When something is broken (broken) 
Left wide open 
Don't say you need me it's too late 
I cannot say 
When something is broken 

ALRIGHT! This White Devil thing has gone far enough!


Had barbeque party on Saturday, had blast, played mölkky half of the night and stuffed ourselves. My diet so crashed, but we all needed to unwind. It was relaxing and it was a bit shame that one of our group couldn't make it, she is perhaps the most missed.

Need to vent out

It's the moments like these, when I start to think, what the actual fuck do I want from my life. Well, I sure as hell don't have the answers. I don't know. I've always been let off the hook easily, while other kids did household chores to earn pocket money, I didn't even understand why they would do that. Sure, I did things, but all I got was a pat to the head and few kind words. I rarely got money. I did was I knew best. Played and sprung forth the power of my imagination. Sometimes, it was a bad thing, since I got nightmares easily.

I did try to work hard at the first grade, after being an arrogant bitch during  preschool and such. My classmates (which included a grade above us) mocked me for "overdoing" my homework. Nobody told me how much to do and since I knew how to do them, I did. After that, it went downhill. There were only few subject where I did my homework, but it lessened every year. I've practically gotten through my schools by doing not…


Watching Transformer 2, like these movies. Gotta love Bumblebee. Been busy, had my hair cut short, hurt my knee, it's still busted. Jumped off the rock with my cat and it bent backwards. If it still doesn't get better during this weekend, I think I need to see the doctor.

The band project... is on standstill. I  have serious doubts of this project, nothing is working. NOTHING. He got us a guitarist who looked like fucking weedjack hipster and had the most suspicious fb I've ever encountered.

Back in personal hell

Back in home village, I'm ready to cry everytime I look at our cat, he's such a darling. Evil, but I love him. Went to buy a pair of jeans, returned with something else, but at least I have new pants. And met a friend, ran into her in the clothes' store.
Also took up playing Anno Online. Decent game, a bit slow, but entertaining. I wish I could have played Ancient version, but Medieval works too.

This doesn't bode well

It's not even 10am and I'm after blood already. WHY ME?!

That ruined even my next year...

I can't be here the next year. Only until Christmas. Fuck this fucking shit. She needs me the whole year, especially during the spring. And I can't be there... Can I cry now?

So, I'm in a real band project now...

...sure, it's giving me anxiety attacks, but damn, he can compose and already composed one of my songs. He sure kicked things into gear, already ordered band shirts and there's just us two, no bassist, guitarist, nothing.

And we are very tight on money this month. VERY tight on money...

The usual shite.

I make enemies as I go. With or without trying. They just can't handle me.

Yes. I just be myself and they fly off the handle. People up here can't take the truth that has hardly any effect on people in my hometown. I'm not changing my attitude because few teens get upset.

Bitch to me all you want, little shits. I don't actually care if you'll hate me, ignore me or just act plain bitch towards me.
In the end, silent treatment from other people is good, I didn't wanna talk to them in the first place.
That's what I've been seeking for years. People steering clear away from me, since I don't care about them.
When they TRY to contact me...
Hmm, wonder was that all? Fuck this, fuck that, fuck them in particular.

This could be my new motto:


I've been Oulun Kärpät fan for 11 years now and they won their 6th championship last Saturday. I'm hyped, been screaming, smiling like an idiot. They have the championship party today. Starts in half an hour. Problem? I'm not there. Gramps once promised to take me there, he never did, they won 3 championships after the promise and didn't take me. Well, now I have a car and all... I don't have the fuel or the money. Not much money altogether. I'm upset about that. I'm 150 or so kilometers away from the party of my dreams... and I can't get there. Now if you excuse me, I drown my sorrows to tea... put on my pajamas and maybe cry a bit.


Surely an interesting day. Myself, I've been sitting at my laptop the whole day, working on a draft for the final work's literal part. I still don't understand why WE need to send it to the Finnish teacher while the tour guides didn't, but oh well. I can manage to write the official form easily enough and I can make it so that the Finnish teacher won't understand. I'm gonna give them hell.

Desperation rises

The final work is turning to be a nightmare before I've even started it. I'm being honest here. Everything needs to be very official, which of course I can write, but I don't understand what the hell the Finnish teacher has to do with this. Oh well... I'm gonna hit them so hard I knock them to next week.

I picked up some watercolor paper for the better version of the background ice on the Phoenixe and just sent emails to two weaveries in my hometown. Other one answered right away and it could be possible to get in there to practice, since the store I tried is too slow to answer and I can't be there the whole time. It's gonna sap my whole summer, but at least I get the student support from that time. That matters quite a lot. Now I'm just waiting for the teacher to finish the little talk and come help me on how to reply.

Had an interesting few days. On Tuesday/Wednesday night, my fiancée got a stomach ache that was getting worse and worse until around 2am I …

Sorry for the delay

Though I don't think there's anyone reading this. Been sick for a long time and not in 100% health right now, mentally I'm completely empty and drained. We were supposed to have this art history class in the ceramics department, but we are in my department, after a brief confusion. I also was sore and tired last night and got a cold shoulder when we went to bed. Though the silent treatment and early takeoff was all my fault, it hurts like hell. This is one of these days when I'm getting the darker thoughts. Seeeeriously dark thoughts. I'm getting tired of this.

January 31st - Nemesis

What would be a better way to end a Music Month than Stratovarius - Nemesis

January 30th - Redemption

Gackt - Redemption

January 29th - Bad Kids

Lady Gaga - Bad Kids

January 28th - Telephone

Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce - Telephone

January 27th - Out in the Fields

Kotipelto & Liimatainen Duo - Out In the Fields (Cover)

Mah birthday <3

January 26th - Mermaid score

Pirates of the Caribbean 4 Soundtrack - Mermaid Score

January 25th - Monster

Arashi - Monster

January 24th - Share The World

Tohoshinki/DBSK/TVXQ - Share The World

January 23rd - Sister of Charity

The 69 Eyes - Sister of Charity

January 22nd - Everything But The Girl

Darin - Everything but the Girl

January 21st - Tough Enough

Vanilla Ninja - Tough Enough

January 20th - Red

The 69 Eyes - Red

January 19th - All The Things She Said

t.A.T.u. - All the Things She Said

January 18th - Ojos Así

Shakira - Ojos Así

January 17th - The Nexus

Amaranthe - The Nexus

January 16th - Los Angeles

The 69 Eyes - Los Angeles

January 15th - Unbreakable

Stratovarius - Unbreakable

Song month

I'm a bit behind, since it's 15th, but I'll put the posts here anyway. From every. single. day.

January 14th - Larger Than Life

PinkZebra feat Benji Jackson - Larger Than Life

January 13th - Want You Out of My Head

Jessica Wolff - Want You Out Of My Head

January 12th - Framed In Blood

The 69 Eyes - Framed In Blood

January 11th - Elän Humpalla

Eläkeläiset - Elän Humpalla (Livin' On a Prayer)

January 10th - Wings & Hearts

The 69 Eyes - Wings & Hearts

January 9th - Listen To Your Heart

Reflexion - Listen To Your Heart (Cover)

January 8th - Killing Romance

For My Pain... - Killing Romance

January 7th - Paradise (What About Us?)

Within Temptation feat Tarja - Paradise (What About Us?)

January 6th - Dancer In the Dark

For My Pain... - Dancer in the Dark

January 5th - Dead N' Gone

The 69 Eyes - Dead N' Gone

January 4th - Sea of Emotions

For My Pain... - Sea of Emotions

January 3rd - Routasydän

Sentenced - Routasydän.

January 2nd - Let Go

January 1st: Underneath

Tarja Turunen & Jyrki69 - Underneath.