Sunday, December 16, 2012

When stress is blown

...I slept 15 hours on Friday. I wasn't have to go to school. Woah. Sure, I was worried when my darling hadn't returned by then, but went to the ceramics for some hours.

The build-up for the Christmas party was horrible. Seriously. People running around, shouting, ugly deco... The party itsef was irritating too. The choir was a disappointment. The sopranos didn't have any power at al, their voice was quieter and quieter and that 16-year-old bitch who thought she was so good told us to sing louder in the party. We with lower voices drowned them out completely. Basically, it should have been the other way round. Nope.

Our band is now named Phoenix Down and the guitarist and I performed there. Goddamnit.

Sunday, December 2, 2012


Augh, I have been hella busy. Teeth problems and school work and choir+band practice. We had a slight disagreeing with the songs for the choir, until we tried one newer song and everybody fell in love with it. Seriously. There was joy in people's eyes while singing.

Band practice is interesting. We first worked on composing -something- around my lyrics, until the drummer came up with few cover songs, I'll Make a Man Out of You and Once Upon a December. In Russian. Sure, no biggie. Few days ago I got a message on fb from her, saying that we are picking up Walking In the Air. Nightwish version. I'm screwed. I can't sing that high.

Anyways, we had an art class. That was torture. I hated it from the start. I've been developing rapidly lately, but the course has nothing to do with it. Twice we had so much to do we had to stay up all night. 30 A3 sketches to product design class and two A3 model drawings of myself for the art class, not to mention take 5 photographs for product photographing lesson. We were both soooo wiped and feels like that this weekend, I have finally managed to catch up all the missing sleep.

Oh crap, I gotta write a letter to a friend. Well, catch ya laters.

Saturday, November 3, 2012


Been rather irritating week. I've been getting headaches everyday. And not only me, but my dear roomie<3 too and oneof our friend who lives across the hall. We are suspecting tha there is mold somewhere, which could cause these nasty, gnawing headaches. Well, yesterday morning my worst headche came because my last emerged wisdom tooth but goddamn.

Product photographing course was boring and irritating. Thankfully we are not have to use the school camera. We are gonna use mine. Last assignment was about cropping the pics while taking them, this one is playing with light and shadow. Should be more interesting.

Arts class is kiling me. I've gone through them all already, but my education still isn't enough. I should do two model drawings for Tuesday. Now, the next three weeks, I won't be at my own class but only on Mondays, which bugs me to the core. I have beter things to do than go through all the art shit again. It's not that I hate arts, hell, look a my art blg! I love drawing and painting, but damn, I did not come here for all those extra subjects.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Hello depression slump

Just got back from the dentist. It's pouring sleet. Terrible weather. That is not the depressing thing though. I have gingivitis and lot of holes. Had to make the decision to leave all sugary stuff behind. I'm up for serious dentist visits which will deplete my money. Dental care here is much better. Had the wake up call of my life. I'm only able to cry myself into sleep right now, since nobody is helping me but myself. No support. It would be nice if we both could make that life changing decision, but my sweetheart just didn't seem to take it that well.

I'm off to bed and cry some more, we need to go baking around 5pm.

I'm destroying my life with how I live. And that of my darling along with my own. This has to change.

Saturday, October 27, 2012


Been cramped for ages, not to mention tired from lack of sleep. The Halloween party at school is on 31st, I made the posters for it, now I should do posters for my face paint booth too. Bought hella lot of facepaint. Seriously. And some deco. And lovely outfit for my darling. This Halloween will be awesome. Brr, I'm gonna go and get my SA hoodie right nw, I'm cold.

Better. onna watch both Cars movies. I had to return to Kemi today, since  paid 15€ extra for Cars 2. I literally paid it twice. Goddamn. Also had astonishing view, problem was the lack of camera... And then the last 30km back was driven in a fog.

I've been crocheting a lot of pumpkins, 5 ready, one big with still a slightly unfinished face. Gonna do some more for the party.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Back in the hell on earth

Or that is how I view my home village. I don't like the looks of it, I don't like the people in it. Sure, my grandparents might -not- deserve all this hate, but damn do they drive me up the wall.They do their hardest for and I just brush them aside. Why? I want to start a life anew, in a new place, with my love, leave all the bad memories behind, start finally the life I've been dreaming about. But as long as they are alive and screaming fo rmy attention too (which I don't care to give but to the few selected), I can't start anything new. I can only pretend I'm living my life as I've wanted, when I can't do anything without them finding out.
I'm have to hide the thing that is the most important thing in the world, love. I cannot come home with my love and huggle, cannot kiss in the middle of the street, can't hold hands while window shopping... Only in few bigger cities, is that possible. Up in Lapland, nobody really seems to care. They know how to mind their own business. No nasty rumours.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Autumn leave

We got a permission to stay in the dorm, which probably is rare. We don't care to go home and I don't wanna drive in the rain, I can't see a thing, but whacha can do, we need to take extra stuff back and I need to bring stuff here, including new movies, maybe some books and my cosplay gear. The cold I finaly got rid of is also trying to come back,which bugs me to the core.

My artblog is also updated, finally. Took me long enough. Now I just hope people would actually go there and comment...

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Sonata Saturday

It had some speed. We had bought glow sticks from Kemi on Friday and took our PS3 for updating (we miss a 60€ equipment for updating). We got "home", started preparing for the gig. We left for Keminmaa around 1pm, from where a friend and her dad picked us up and we drove to Oulu. We left earlier than planned because I heard Sonata Arctica has a signing session in RecordShopX, so of course we went there. (bought games and the Stratovarius Blu-Ray while at it.) Got my lyric notebook signed by the boys, along some good luck wishes from Tony.
We got too excited with the glow sticks, but it paid off. Domination Black was the warm up band. Nothing much, I've heard worse music, but I wouldn't buy their stuff. Not my style.
Then. Finally. Sonata. Frickin'. Arctica. This was the shit! All The Days of Grays songs were ditched (shame, but I think after 2-year tour... yeah...) One of my fave oldies The Gun came up and I thought I was gonna have a stroke. Tony noticed us with the glowsticks. He also spotted somebody with a knife or something in the back of the audiece and the big guys started to walk around. I heard about this only after the gig, once we saw a police car outside.
Few things bugged me. We were once again right in front of Elias. Not that I don't mind, but I with to see more than just him and maybe a glimpse of Henkka behind him and Tony occasionally. Also, two bitches mistook the spot by the fence as a dancefloor, narrowing my space. Never put your hair up on a bun as big as your head when you go to a metal gig. Nor do you wear pink. Sheesh. Other duo of bitches threw a missed fit when they got Elias' picks, other actually snatched it from another girl. I've lost my faith in Sonata fans, the newest fans re complete bitchs and have no respect towars the guys whatsoever. They and the Elias-sucks-get-Jani-back -fans drive me up the wall.
Anyways, nice gig, pyros and all, good songs, decent audience. Finnish metal fans aren't really into it...

There went our money

Damn that was one expensive weekend. I'll get back to it later, I got band practice to attend to. I'm taking them a huge pile of my lyrics. Gotta find out how it works, at least me and the drummer, Unna, get along. The bassist took off though...

Saturday, October 6, 2012

That sucked

Just heard Adele's Skyfall. I don't like Adele and the song is just pure shit.

Anyways, Sonata Arctica gig today, looking forward to it, but I'm gonna hate he drive to Keminmaa, where we leave with our friend and her dad to Oulu. It rains more than in London or in Helsinki during major sports events. Seriously depressing. I think I'm gonna pass out in the car, once we hit the highway. Oulu isn't overly far away from where we live now, but still. Deleting old pics from the camera took a loooooong while. Anyways, we need to be in Keminmaa around 1pm.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

LibreOffice 3.5

Now that is shitty. I LOVE and ADORE Ms Word, that was an IT class from hell, when the things I could have done with Ms Office products in five minutes took 20 minutes with Libre... It sucked big time.

Sonata's gig this Saturday. I'm so hyped! Which of the band shirts should I wear... Girly problems for once.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Can I rage post?

Gonna rage anyway. Good lord some Sonata fans are thick headed and vain. They want their previous guitarist back, most likely because they don't see/hear how good the current one is, or they want Sonata's music to be just like before. Not many bands are able to sound the same throughout the years, Blind Guardian sounds very much the same as always, but each record is different in a way. I think Sonata Arctica still sounds awesome. They shed the Stratovarius-esque sound and created their own. I think it's their best feature, that they change, sounding better and better. Old guitarist has moved on for good, but the fan can't, giving shit to the current guitarist. Such a shame, he's a nice guy and a good guitarist too. *sigh*

Nobody's perfect, I have difficulties telling the two apart. They are both good.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

What a workload

I FINALLY got all the arts of mine watermarked with Powerpoint. Didn't include few of the worst and some fanart,since I don't really know what to do with those. Also gotta make different pages for posts about my cosplays, problem is that though Wordpress can be a bitch, it has more options than Blogger. FML.
Been on a Beyblade mood the past couple o weeks, watched the series and all. The original three y Aoki Takao, not this new wannabe Metal Fight Beyblade. Nooooo. Bakuten Shoot Beyblade was the best. The assholes&bitches at my elementry said for sure I was gonna ditch Beyblade, nope, still going strong and actually, without it, I wouldn't have met my fiancée at all. Take that, jerks

Saturday, September 22, 2012

This weekend just keeps getting better and better

...not. The shopping trip after IT-class was painful. My legs were hurting like hell after the dance class at the school gym. We did some walking around in Kemi, left my car at the bus station (I reversed through the whole packed parking lot to th perfect available space. I rocked \,,/)we walked to Octopussy Clothing, where I got some lovely items such as arm warmers, black and purple, made of fleece <3, a dagger fan necklace and Directions semi-permanent hairdye, Poppy Red. A snowleopar print scarf and GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN nailpolish from Seppälä, jewelry making stuff from Tiimari and Suomalainen Kirjakauppa, from where I also found a book about Tolkien's books and worlds. That is a good starter for somebody who isn't sure do they want to read all the books or just watch the movies. Also spotted Metal Mania Alias -boardgame. The last one left in the whole city. 8€, hella cheap for a board game. The Cars 2 Uno playing cards cost more than that.
Well, I did catch a cold while in there. I woke up with a sore throat, I can barely talk. I've been sleeping around the clock, felt hella lonely despite my significant other sleeping behind me. I think I'm getting the silent treatment of ignorance for waking the said person up by saying I got an email from the guy wo fixed my computer...
We have changed scaringly lot. Seems like computers are the most important things in our lives. I've been lethargic for a long while now, not wanting to participate in much amorous activities or do much anything... I'm worried, I wasn't this bad (I think) during my worst depression slump, but who said it was over. This room is hilariously small and I honestly feel like we have too much stuff here. This just proves how big rooms I had at home, since this bothers me to the core.
I don't like the direction we are going... Actually cried last night. I can't even cry propery anymore. I'm too numb and that scares me.

Can't wait to get and play this...

This started my shitty week for real...

Friday, September 21, 2012

Bone tired

Went to a dance class last night, I thought that after doing sit-ups and stuff at the end I'd be more in pain. What is giving me pain -my knees. They hurt like hell at times. My old knee brace is still at home (gramps is such a cheapstake, I can't run home everytime I forget something) and since we are going to Kemi today, (and maybe I can get the x-ray of my jaws) I'm gonna go to the pharmacist to buy another brace. My both knees are totaled anyway. Ow. I'm also pretty well done, meaning tired and I'm supposed to drive us 54km to Kemi for shopping and PS3 upgrade. I'm also gonna buy The Avengers also on Blu-Ray, though I already have the DVD. I wanna be a badass. My significant other also likes the movie, which is a relief. Anyways, it's lunch time, our milk was... old already, so no breakfast for us.
Gonna hit few stores and SubWay too. Yum.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Yo, guys

If there is anybody. IT class, I'm trying to stay awake, tinkering with MS Word 2007. The whole week. Well, we get to Powerpoint today, had pretty good time so far, this morning was a bit slow and stiff, to say the least. *sigh*
We got the laptops, but I'm not gonna do much with it. I hate laptops with passion and we have so strickt rules with the laptop I don't find it a good idea to use it at all. I stored it underneath my bed, in the travel case. I'm not really sure should I return it, since it's not mandatory to keep the goddamn waste of space. (and this comes from someone with a desktop computer and printer plus bass speakers...) Well, laptops are more like waste of money, if you ask me. Sure, you can get online in a train or wherever, but I'm the person who can actually wait a few hours. If I need to write, when I get an awesome idea (at that moment it feels like it) I can whip out my calendar and write there, or just keep plotting until I find the idea useless. I don't even have a smartphone or whatever the piece of shit is called. I don't want it. As long as I can find regular phones with a working camera and a decent amount of memory space, I'm fine. Just dandy.
Fujitsu laptop sounds great and it would be cheap to get after the school ends, but what am I gonna do with it? Granted, I'm not sure should I take it because I don't know how well I can get online and write during summer, but I'm guessing gramps is about to take the new computer I hooked up for him, to upstairs, so I can put my own back downstairs, since I use it a lot and make noise while at it. Meh, that is the problem for the summer, it has barely reached fall here.
People come to Lapland to see the pretty autumn colors. Well, I'm not really impressed. Sure, some trees are bright YELLOW. Not yellow, YELLOW. It has rained like hell here past few days, we planned a trip to Kemi this Monday and it started raining about an hour or two before we were supposed to leave. That sucked monkey balls real bad. (side comment, goood looooord, am I the one who smells like dog here? Gah...) It was sunny yesterday, which made it hard to watch a movie, until later that night. We finally got The Avengers on DVD and the tech guy in Prisma store said they could update our PS3, so we can watch all the Blu-Rays and play all the games. I can finally get the bloopers and play Naruto Ultimate Ninja Storm 2.
Wow, this was a long and rambly post. Well, I'll make another one. A kitty post or something. I don't know. I should continue editing our fantasy story, I should continue watermarking my artworks, I should clean up the room, it's a horrible mess. And I gotta do the laundry. And go to Tervola med center to get the x-ray of my jaws. Everything is a mess. The stress levels are rising again. I don't know is there a bill coming from the dentist or not, I don't know what mail I have at home, I'd need my mail but does gramps send it? Nope. There are times when he spends money on me, but when it comes to mailing things, he's a cheapstake. ARGH.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Well that was an interesting Tuesday say the least. I called to the dentist on Tuesday morning, they said there was an opening at noon, I took it, teachers were just fine since I have my own car so I didn't need to spent the whole day in Tervola. They poked around a moment and said that my cheek is caught in between the two messed up and slanted windom teeth. (no kidding, at worst times I had to yank it separate) Well, despite the upper right and lower left being troublesome, they said they take upper left out so the pressure will ease. The creaking sound the tooth made were scary, but it didn't hurt. I expected to be more in pain afterwards or have a bruised cheek, but nope. And true enough, the pressure is gone. Damn my jaws are narrow. Really. Still gotta go for x-rays next week.
I've been working on crochet pumpkins. I'm a big Halloween fan and I'm actually gonna go to a Halloween party at Kemi on November 3rd, despite our school having some sort of a party too. I was at Härmän Häjy halloween party last year, dressed up as my idol, but with "wolf bites" all over and a bloody bandage around slit throat. I could have pulled it off better, but...
My significant other has been sick for past two weeks or so, I've been running up and down the stairs, battling with my loom and trying to see if my lovely roomie needs anything, been worried sick. Past two Thursdays, I've been have to clean up the room all by myself, which doesn't bother me, but last time I was exhausted and catching up a little cold while at it. I passed out for 4 hours afterwards and oh gooooood lord. The clean-up checking was... past 11pm?

I'll go post piccies of my loom and the table cloth I'm making to my art bog. I think it belongs there. I'm still working on the watermarks, but since I have waaaaaaaaay over hundred works.... sigh

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Dragons and yarns

Gee, I've een sleep deprived for a week again, I slept 12 hous last night, pretty ready to do that again tonight. Yeah, I'm still up and it's past 4am. Been playing Dragon City, refound love for crochet has also taken my time, as well as The Sims 2. Made a mistake of playing a paranormal investigator gae on It freaked me out last time. I hate that demon in the end at the alley...
My speakers are breaking down. The left small one makes static noise, which ometimes drives me up the wall.
At the moment, I'm so tired I could faceroll. Too tired to go and brush my teeth actually. Monday will mark the day when I try to hound somebody to get me the number of the local dentist, I need to get my wisdom teeth pulled out, thy cause me too much grief. I even don't mind that I won't be able to eat much solids afterwards, but it is a small price from the fact they won' swell up and even infect so badly I can't even open my mouth.
I screamed out loud with the window open on Thursday, in the middle of cleaning. I visit the blog of my idol, Jani Liimatainen quite often and I found he had posted the tracklist for his and Timo Kotipelto's duo acoustic album. I saw My Selene, my absolute favorite song from Jani and second fave from Sonata Arcticadiscography. That song being made to an acoustic version drew one helluva shriek outta me. I was so hyped up for hours <3 Also a friend bought tickets for us and got us a ride to Sonata's Teatria show in Oulu <3 Can't wait. Her dad is awesome. When we first came to Kemi, he was with her, waiting, wearing a Stratovarius shirt he said he wore to honor us and blasted My Land from his car stereo very loud. We very much approved.
Anyways, this paranormal happenings disliker goes to bed, being badass as she won't brush her teeth. Too fucking tired.

Friday, August 31, 2012

12 days of... school

Busy and tiring two weeks behind me. We had no weekend, just handcraft/whatevs event here, we had to boil plants to get the wool yarn dyed. I almost got a carbon monoxide overdose. It was horrible, I felt like a living dead. Head ached so bad and felt so thirsty it was't even real. I had to get up shit earl in the morning to light up the fires beneth the huge iron cauldrons and keep them up and boil the flowers, leaves, bark and poisonous mushrooms. Oh joy. I tried to wash off the smoke from my jacket, but it still stinks. Seriously. I should have taken it outside to dry and air it properly. Now it's in my car. It can stink there for all I care.
I've been planning to make two tablecloths, ain't gonna be easy, I got the warps done yesterday, I started to put them on the loom today, but it's not easy, as I have the type in planning where 1cm has 20-18 warps. Threads won't even be visible. Diving them into 9 pair and 10 pair bunches was pain in the neck. Literally. 400 pairs of dark orange and black thread... With less you go crosseyed.
It seemed that I only needed to sing few songs in karaoke to be accepted into a band. Haven't seen them since. Figures.
Anyways, I'm trying to watermark my artworks, the latest being clay Khepri. A biiiiig feat to get them all. I'm like... in B ?

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Dorm life

The most strickt rules I've ever witnessed. Seriously. Even Finnish laws feel slacker. The fear of being kick out keeps everybody in check. At least me. Our room is at the end of this wing, right above my classroom (interior textile), second floor from the ground level. Shitty part is the bathroom. It's at the end of the hallway, but two WC seats and two showers make up for that.
The window of our room doesn't close, but it's barricaded by a heavy plastic box right now. Three huge flies found their way in... Anyways, this is starting to look like a room, these will be checked weekly. And we actually compete against other rooms, whose are the cleanest. We are trying to win the prizes.
This school has dorm activities and a gym. Which made me whoop was the treadmill. I can finally shed weight and gain more muscle, to upperbody.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Packing for a small dorm room

It's pain. We need to pack as little as possile, bu enough for the both of us to keep gong for a year. The info about the condition of the rooms and the size, plus other common things to know in this school is abysmal. We are not even sure can we get toilet paper for free. The website is maddeningly UNhelpful. Gah.
I don't really know how this is gonna work out. One thing is sure, if other peope don't do their chores and make noise on week nights, I'm gonna blow a fuse or two. Already a with gramps, who is getting on my nerves with spectacular success rate. Again. Clearly I'm tired of living here...

Thursday, August 9, 2012

It's the final countdown...

...for two things. Well maybe three.
  1. My job is ending. Two more days. Sadly, the two final days are the PowerTruck Show days. Gotta watch out for drunk people and sell not just amusement park wrist bands, but parking tickets too. *sigh* Not sure how long will I be there and will I be tossed into the restaurants again. I dread the Pizza Buffet, the Steak House Canyon was better, sure, they made me run around, BUT hey, they were busy as hell, all of them.
  2. My time in this cage. I'll be moving to Loue, Tervola, Lapland on Monday, with my significant other. The dorm had damn strick rules, but positive side is, there are supervisors nearby (supposed to) so if somebody is making a racket... I lived in a dorm for 9 months two years or so ago, and it was filled with stupid party animals. The noise was irritating to say the least. I'm not afraid to rat the others. I deserve my peace, finally.
  3. My wisdom teeth. Usually it's the lower left that causes hadaches and the gum swells up. Nope. Nopenopenope. It has to be upper right. My whole right side is slightly swollen, tender and gosh my jaw joint hurts. I can't really chew anything. I often complained about my wisdom teeth, but never did anything. Now I'm fed up. They are goners after I get to Lapland. I've had it. Soooooo had it.
The thing that saddens me is that I wanted to go to a karaoke bar on Saturday night, just for the heck of it, but I can't really open my mouth properly...

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

I can't help but think that I have two cats waiting for me...


Juuri taivaan tällä puolella on paikka, jota kutsutaan Sateenkaarisillaksi. Kun sellainen eläin kuolee, joka on ollut täällä erityisen läheinen jollekulle, tuo lemmikki menee Sateenkaarisiltaan. Siellä on niittyjä ja mäkiä kaikille erityisille ystävillemme, jotta ne voivat juosta ympäriinsä ja leikkiä yhdessä. Siellä on paljon ruokaa, vettä ja auringonpaistetta, ja ystävämme ovat lämpimässä ja niillä on hyvä olla. Kaikki sellaiset eläimet, jotka ovat olleet sairaita tai vanhoja, ovat jälleen terveitä ja elinvoimaisia; haavoitetut tai vammautuneet ovat jälleen eheitä ja voimakkaita, juuri sellaisia jollaisina muistamme ne menneitten aikojen unissamme. Eläimet ovat onnellisia ja tyytyväisiä yhtä pientä asiaa lukuun ottamatta: jokainen niistä kaipaa jotain jälkeen jäänyttä niille erityisen tärkeää henkilöä. Ne kaikki juoksevat ja leikkivät yhdessä, mutta tulee päivä, jolloin joku yhtäkkiä pysähtyy ja jää tuijottamaan etäisyyteen. Sen kirkkaat silmät ovat tarkkaavaiset, sen innokas keho vapisee. Yhtäkkiä se alkaa juosta pois ryhmästä kiitäen vihreän ruohokentän yli nopeammin ja nopeammin. Se on onnistunut näkemään sinut, ja kun sinä ja erityinen ystäväsi lopulta kohtaatte, te takerrutte toisiinne jälleennäkemisen riemussa ettekä koskaan enää eroa. Onnellisia suukkoja sataa kasvoillesi, kätesi hyväilevät rakastettua päätä, ja katsot jälleen kerran lemmikkisi luottavaisiin silmiin, jotka niin kauan olivat poissa elämästäsi, mutta eivät koskaan poissa sydämestäsi. Sitten ylitätte Sateenkaarisillan yhdessä...

Kirjoittaja tuntematon

Rainbow bridge

Just on this side of heaven, there is a place that is called Rainbow Bridge. When such an animal dies, that has been really close to somebody, that pet will go there. There are meadows and hills to all our special friends, so they can run around and play together. There are lots of food and water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and feeling fine. All those animals, that have been sick or old, are healthy and full of life again; wounded or crippled are whole and strong again, just like we remember them as in our dreams of days that were lost. They are happy and satisfied except for only one thing: They all miss something that was left behind, a special person. They all run and play together, but there will be a day, when one of them stops and starts to stare at the distance. Those bright eyes see all, energetic body will tremble.  Suddenly it starts to run away from the group, gliding over the green grass faster and faster. It has finally seen you, and when you and your specal friend finally meet, you cling to each other in the thrill of reunion and will never part again. Happy kisses rain on your face, your hands caress the loved head and you look into the trusting eyes of your pet again, the eyes that  were gone from your life for so long, but never from your heart. Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together...

Writer unkown
Translation: Darial Kuznetsova.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Wonderful Saturday

Seriously. Timo Kotipelto and Jani Liimatainen. Plus a nice cameo by Antti Railio. And we got two new friends.

I never get tired of this duo <3

Made the shirt myself. For some reason, my makeup is nearly invisible in all the pics of me from that day. And it was red and gold!

I caught this mere seconds before... (look below)
Now this... My significant other had WAY better view, but this is on fucking video XD

Posing by the fountain in the middle of Seinäjoki, somewhere between 1 and 2 AM. With really sore feet.
 And of course I had work from 10:15 to 17:30... on Sunday...

Friday, August 3, 2012

That was the final straw for my back

Great. Gramps took my car to his nephew. It was just fine, nothing wrong with it. Until they switched the battery. And that was the moment when Goldscythe (the nickname that I gave to my Toyota Avensis) decided to prove she is a Decepticon. The radio died again. Again. For good. Thank heavens I took the Cain's Offering CD Gather the Faithful outta there. They tried everything to get it back to work, but no avail. The goddamn problem radio stayed blank. Gramps is gonna buy a cheap external player with CD, radio and MP3 hookup to it. I have my doubts. He complains about my financial situation, but then he does that, spends money on me. Rarely, but still...

I'm tired and sore. Both physically and mentally. I feel useless. I guess my only option would be send an email to the curator, but I'm an awkward person when it comes asking things. No wonder all my penpals quit writing with me, since I don't ask any questions. Usually. In the workshop, all the little questions, like simple one like: Why? was met with irritation and claims that I'm highly negative person. No wonder I stopped questioning anything. I'm raising my hands in defeat.
I'm gonna be singing this when I can leave Powerpark behind me for good. I hate that place.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

My wrists and feet...

Finally, two days off. I've been bustin' my brain with this work, arguing with irate gramps and stressing about moving. We still haven't gotten any papers so we'd know what we need to take with us. Today I was put to the notorious Steak House Canyon to work. They have been treating the ticket booth girls like dirt when we have been sent to help but now our boss told them that she'll send us if only they treat us nicely. They did, or she sent the mentally two toughest girls. I can deal with being bossed around, I'm used to it. It wasn't too bad, they were kind enough to tell me what to do, since it was my first day there, but I had enough experience with clearing tables and carrying plates.
I did manage to screw up in my regular job. Again. I'm just too drained...

Now my wrists are screaming and the soles of my feet hurt like hell. Gramps complained becuse I bought soda. Fuck if I care.

Timo and Jani are gonna be in Karma on Saturday. We plan on going, despite the fact we both have work the next day. We just can't get enough of those two.

Starting on Sunday, I start a grueling 7 days of work...

Thursday, July 26, 2012

When my love and acceptance is not enough

One of these days when I fear I might suddenly be left alone... To see everything I've worked so hard to put back together, break down again... By the makers.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

6 eventful days

Friday night. Oooooh snap it was fine. Timo and Jani sure rocked the whole double tent. Fanservice, boyish antics and hot guys. Front row for me. I had to ditch my 10cm heeled Vagabonds since the balls of my feet couldn't take it anymore. I thought my legs were broken when I drove home, barefoot. I returned home around 6am.
Few hours of fitful sleep and I was off to Powerpark with  friend, now as a customer. Didn't really try anything new that time, well, La Paloma, a chain carousel. That was scary.
Sunday...  slept like a log and cleaned up. At least tried to. Postponed my visit to mah darling's to Monday after work.
I hate my work. Monday... Well, let's say it didn't start well. A wasp or something stung me beneath my thumbnail. Ow fuck it hurt. Well, my dad, stepmom and halfsister showed up, I got to sell my dad and stepmom their tickets, they had to wait until I got on a break to take them to the maingates and get me and sis wristbands. I overdid it and went to Typhoon with my stepmom. It was horrible. I loved spending time with my dad too. I was shocked to see how much my sister had grown.

Yesterday was a disaster. An utter disaster. I was supposed to be dressing up in Satumaa as characters the whole day. One ticket booth guy had fallen sick and I made a mistake of accepting to spend the morning in the booth. Then it all went to hell. The goddamn credit/debit card machines jammed. All of them. Everywhere. The people who didn't have cash and weren't informed  were furious.  They waited for 3 hours max. There was so much pissed off people I was ready to break down in tears and kill myself. The park was open one extra hour, closing at 8pm...  It was after 3pm when I finally made it to the workspot I was supposed to be in to begin with.
Today was... well, nice. The costumes are suffocating and hot and the two of us pretty much melt the ice in two rounds.  I went to get some Chinese takeaway. I'm tired, but body mostly. The ticket booth works my brain into nothingness.
My halfsister and I

I really missed dad...

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Study history? Become a history teacher? Pfft.

I'm tired to the bone. Physically and mentally. I have been running on empty lately, just few hours' worth of sleep a night and stressful and tiring work. Yeah, some of you would say so what? All I need to do at work is sit and sell people wristbands and entrances.  But random hours on random days and the constant fear of making a mistake and receiving the wrath from the customers and boss... That eats my mind away. I have started nearly crying after work few times now. I'm just so sick of it, but I cannot quit. I have less than a month left, last week is actually me working from Sunday to Saturday... I'm afraid to go to work every single morning. Tired of explaining the same things over and over again...

Working in an amusement park is no fun to someone who'd rather sit alone or with their loved one, with no fear of making strangers mad at you or fumbling with money. I'm one of those who'd rather just... do something stupid and simple... But working for the city, cleaning streets and planting flowers isn't my style either. Gramps finds it embarrassing that I haven't worked at the local cemetery. I find it a job for teens. Those who are desperate for a place to work and earn meager summer pay. I got desperate this year, after I decided to hold an off year. Gramps can think and say what he wants. I do what I want with my life.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Deprived of everything

Last week was pretty hell-ish. This hasn't been much better either. I can't sleep. I just keep tossing and turning, my eyes sore and heavy, yet I cannot pass out. My brain just keeps whirring and there is no end to that. I just can't fall asleep. It's starting to catch up, as I'm angry as hell at home, but then again...
Gramps was complaining again. That I'm never early in bed (they sometimes go to bed before 10pm). They even think they can order me to go to bed that early. I go to bed early if I'm seriously tired and need all that more or less 12 hours of sleep. I'm running on less than six, just because I can't fall asleep. It was never that hard in Joutseno. Then again, I didn't have grandparents lumbering not-so-quietly through my room 4 times a night. Or granny talking and sometimes even yelling because of the side effects of the meds. Sleep in that.

There is no door between our bedrooms. Nope. Just a curtain. That is always open. I usually needed the snoring to be able to sleep, but after Joutseno... My darling is a quiet sleeper. Seriously. I got used to that and boom. I can't sleep here anymore.

This whole ordeal is starting to get to me. I have a different pace with things, which they still try to change. I can't really do things with them lurking around, being in the way. Gramps is never happy with how I organize things. Never. Granny has a fricking verbal diarrhea, she never stops.
It shows that she can't go visit any of her friends, and none of them want to come here. And I can't say one negative word to her and she starts crying and blaming me for everything and then it goes to weep for her miserable life. I hate when she does that guilt trip. I'm too soft, still. Though, indifference is getting stronger,  I have a long way to go though.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Aww hell

I think I might have a kidney infection at this rate. I can feel the damn organ very clearly on my side. Guess I must once again rely on painkillers and get some cranberry pills and Panadol tomorrow before work. Sheesh.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Well, more or less feeling better.

At least my back isn't that much. I'm planning to for a walk and then maybe wash up so I can get ready for karaoke night. Sure, I'm working tomorrow. The next five days in a row, to be exact. I hate that job since I'm have to work on such odd days. From Sunday to Thursday and from Tuesday to Saturday. With less you get confused. I usualy have no clue what day it is when I wake up in the morning.

This ringing in my head now, at least not Adam Lambert anymore...

Of the three "mothers"

Where to start? Maybe I should start with the dumb bitch that brought me to life. My "mother".
She has two sisters and a brother. Her mother never cared for them, they were raised by their grandmother. My granny told me that her stepfather was a grumpy man, he had once swiped the chair from underneath my mother and she had been knocked out.

She was about to marry my dad, when my uncle asked from granny, what the hell my dad saw in her. Granny didn't know either, but told him not to meddle. They told me she was a oddball. Liked foods that made my granny gag and scrunched up her nose to granny's cookings. They lived in Kauhava, not too far from here. She had dogs, a lot, granny said they were ugly as hell. Small and untrained. They had me. Nothing changed.

She didn't like if granny tried to give an advice. She also asked if they were sure the dogs wouldn't jump into my crib. She said of course not, that they were well behaving. Granny turned her back and one of the dogs jumped onto me and I started wailing like a fire alarm. So much for well behaving, also explains my fear of water, dog slobber. While in Kauhava, they lived next to a family of gypsies. The matriarch or sorts was wondering and finally asked my mother, why she was always outside with the dogs, but not with me. She just scoffed. She once left me alone in the dark apartment, crying my lungs out, while taking the dogs for a walk. Dad was working.

Granny thanked the gypsy woman for telling her that. She said that if it ever turned into an official strife, nobody would believe her even if she did tell the truth, how she neglected me. My parents luckily divorced. But as usual, the mother gets the child. Unlucky me.

She took me with her, to Rantsila. She was probably never faithful while married to dad, because many had seen cars of strange men at the apartment. While I was with her, my halfsister's granny told me that her sister was just like her. She told me that once she had been going to the local store and there had been a baby carriage with a crying baby outside it. She hadn't done much but glanced, and once she spotted my mother and her sister in the store, asked if they knew whose baby was left outside. They seemed like they had forgotten ME. My sister's ganny said she would have done something, had she known it was me.

My mother had put newspapers on the floor ad the dogs shat and pissed and I was crawling in there.
I was with her half a month. Then she called my dad to "come and pick up your brat, I'm sick of her". Dad and granny came to get me.

My halfsister is one and a half years younger. Her dad refused to marry, saying they'd divorce soon anyway and that he'd take the girl, no matter what.

When I was brought here, they said I was sitting silently and everytime I was about to laugh, I suddenly grew stone faced, looking around sullenly. I barely played with toys. Makes me wonder what the hell she did to me. It took me two week to start smiling.
And I started calling granny mother. Couldn't help it. She was strict though and I never cared for rules. I was often downgraded (even by teachers) at school because I was raised by my grandparents and I called my granny my mother. Took me years to start calling her granny. It took my dad getting a new woman for himself for me to start calling her granny. She was overjoyed.
(She got measles, scarlet fever and if I remember correctly, rubella, which caused her to have diabetes. She was barely 13 at the time, almost died, and has been on the brink several times, because diabetes is a tricky and difficult illness, because it is so... unique. Not every person suffer it the same way. She is almost 70 soon. She always dreamed to work with small children, but the doctors and nurses of that time told her flat out she couldn't. She has done odd jobs since then. That about sums up my granny's childhood.)

I liked my stepmother at first. Sure, she was strict, I had tight rules when I lived there through summers. I was often reprimanded because I didn't know how to interact with her dog. Or how to peel the potatoes (granny or gramps always did that...). She got pregnant and I felt giddy that I was gonna be a bigsister. I did not know or acknowledge that I had a halfsister from my real mother's side. She welcomed me, treated me like her own daughter, introduced me to her son, he was born -83. He always treats me like a little sister. They played with me, despite me being annoying.
I was even planning to move in with them, go to a new school. Then I got friends. And I stayed here.

We just drifted apart. Granny says she manipulates my dad, she has forbidden gramps to call, calls him phone crazy (I don't blame her though, I hate the Sunday calls too). Uses me as a medium to get messages through to gramps. My brother doesn't keep much contact to her, which she understands, she also understands my anxiety to get out of this place. She knows of my depression too, maybe even knows of my relationship, but hasn't brought it up.

Still, would  have been but a free babysitter, had I moved in? They did "family trips", I was never part of it. I was left here again. Lost another chance of a normal, steady family. Dad changed because of his accident, they never visit anymore... They even have the guts to chastitise me. It's easy to do from a distance, when they don't need to meet my violent temper.

I once shocked them to the core. They were there for my confirmation, granny was in the hospital, recovering from a heart surgery. Gramps was once again triple checking everything that if I kew what to do and shit and I snapped that of course I knew, did he take me for an idiot. Gramps took it as if nothing and both, my stepmother and dad were shocked and later, after I had stormed off, asked how he let me talk to him like that. Gramps coolly anwered that he had raised two teenage boys, my temper wasn't much different, they had it in front of them still. My halfsister is 9 years younger than I am.

The boss of the workshop thought that one of many valid reasons of helping me into seeing the psychologist was my mother hate. Maybe the way I spoke of my own mother shocked her, she is a single mother, but still. I think all that hate is justified. That is something me and my halfsister have in common. We are almost like twins. We understand each other, tease each other...

My life would be a whole bunch of lies hadn't it gone like this. My godmother wanted to adopt me, but she is mentally unstable and when I was a baby and the adopton in concideration by my dad, she started asking if my mother used any meds while she was expecting me. If I wasn't healthy at all. That's when all breaks were hit. Gramps lso learned that my ame, birthday, everything would be changed and I would have been lost forever. One social worker was behaving like an ass and other one told my dad that whatever goes around you, never let go of your daughter. And he has had the guts to accuse my grandparents of stealing me. Granny's sister reprimanded my dad worse than Odin did Thor.

I heard my real mother is married again, maybe not even together with that guy anymore. She had a miscarriage. She sent a letter to my dad and to my sister's dad, lamenting the loss of the twins. Dad was kinda happy she might have been rendered unable to have children anymore, she might not have kept those either. She is living in Ruukki, she owes a debt to nearly everyone, is on everyone's blacklist... Has stolen money from the kennel she works in...

I will dance happily the day she dies. Sadly, hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is. I have a long way to go. I don't give a flying fuck of what she does, but if she comes a shotgun range away from me, I will tear her eyes out and feed them to her. I told my uncle to tell her that. She blames my sister's grandparents and dad for seeking me out. It was her brother who did that. She never gave my granny their names, so we couldn't look for them.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Barlowgirl - Never Alone

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life

We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen


We cannot separate
You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen


Avril Lavigne - Nobody's Home

Well I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah

Thursday, July 12, 2012

I'm ready to gamble that goddamn halo

I'm torn. I bought two tickets to Tulivuorirock Unplugged so I could get to se Timo and Jani again. I love their acoustic shows. That bromance... AHEM.

That is not the issue, they cost 33€, 15€ each plus postage. Not  biggie, I can earn that amount in two days. Issue is the Sonata Arctica concert. My sweetheat REALLY wants to go, and I cannot convince otherwise, I have tried. Thing is, the tickets in advance to the Day 2 are 37€ each. You do the math. Two people plus postage. That takes a bite. Then, the next issue is the goddamn traveling. How toget to Nokia. I don't have the student card. Which makes train tickets OVER HALF cheaper. I need to pay the tickets to the festival and all the travels, and my one way ticket costs as much as those two tickets... I'm pretty much saying no to this right now, but my words fall on deaf ears. I know this will bring up an argument, but I'm serious. I REALLY wish I don't need to drive there, since my car takes a lot of fuel. Sure it can take 450km with half a tank, but come on... I need to drive 104 from home to work and back, that hogs a lot.

For once in my life, I dare say Sonata is losing one fight. They perform in Rytmikorjaamo, Seinäjoki 5.10. I'd rather take the over 6 hour train trip with the student card after school than the Tuhdimmat Tahdit 2012 with my shitty pay. Despite free lodging with a friend.

Until the beginning of August, my pay is 6,75€ / h. I'm NOT getting rich and this is simply driving me insane.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Running in the rainnnnnnnn

I got completely soaked today, which naturally sucked some major donkey balls. Uploaded some more works into DeviantArt, baked muffins last night. I burned the goddamn chocolates again. AGAIN. I'm giving up on using chocolate to anything. I ended up using my mint chocolate powder, sugar and hot water to make a sauce. It actually worked. Gramps told me the muffins were dangerously good. Glad they worked.

Have I ever mentioned how refreshing shower is? You get to scrub a shit ton of grease outta your hair and just let it wash away your problems. Also a great place to think. Your housemates or such won't appreciate you hogging all the hot water. Well, I wasn't the only user this time.

I haven't really done anything productive today, I was supposed to watch the Pirates movies, but did I? Nope. Then I thought I could finally continue my ancient Greece themed story. Still not at it. I'm talented at this, aren't I?
This is me going to work and seeing all those customers that are always in a hurry...

And now I have a motherfucking hiccup.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Now know how clothes feel in the washing machine

Well, I can walk upright, I don't need to crawl from pain, but goddamn I'm sore allover. Thankfully I have a short day tomorrow. I really want a shorer day, so I can get to a horizontal position some more. I feel better that way.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

That. Was. BUSY

What a day. I was supposed to get off of work around 4pm, I was called out from the ticket booth right after the break, around 3pm, only to be told to go asking if the Snack Shop or Skaala restaurant needed assistance. I ended up in the pizza buffet and when the INSANE amount of people finally cleared to less crazy level, I clocked out and left home with tired wrists and sore ankles 17:40... Well, it was a nice change and helping around in the kitchen by carrying around plates and sorting out knives and forks was very familiar.

The ride home was wet. It was a heavy downpour. I had nice food waiting for me at home though, shame I hadn't been as early as supposed.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Damn the hurry

Been busy with work, with my sweetheart and just trying to get enough sleep. Now I'm just trying to cope with my aching back, having accidentally pissed off my sweetheart. Watching BBC's Wallander. Perhaps I'll finish inking that Lilith & Hel picture I've been doing for ages.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

The morning was...

It was hell disorienting to wake up in the morning at 8:15, wondering why am I up and once I saw the alarm being pending in my phone, my first question was: why the hell is the alarm up? It took me a while to realize that no shit Sherlock, I have WORK!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Movie night

I rented three movies.

The Three Musketeers. Gotta say, I don't understand all the hate that movies gets. It was actually good. I had fun. And good lord, I have a huge soft spot for Luke Evans. Ever since I saw The Clash of Titans. Loved him as Apollo in that. That kid plaing D'Artagnan was great too. The royal couple just gave me the creeps and Orlando Bloom as Count (or was it Duke?)  of Buckingham was sly as ever.

Sherlock Holmes - A Game of Shadows. I was in stitches. Sherlock and Watson are like a married couple in those. Simply loved the "It had to be done." -line.

War Horse. Good grief. I cannot get over the death of Captain Nicholls. Maybe bcause he was an artist. Or maybe because Tom Hiddleston has replaced Sean Bean as my favorite British actor. Magnificent horse though. The guard goose was hilarious.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Isn't it swell

I accidentally REALLY upset my sweetheart. I assumed (again), that FYI is something within <3's knowledge. I was wrong. I feel like an IDIOT. Haven't really been my day anyways. *sigh*
I think I'm just gonna go and play Avengers Alliance some more. Bash bad guys (and occasional Loki) with myself, Iron Man, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Invisible Woman and Sif.

Saturday, June 23, 2012


Well... that was the first trip to Powerpark... after my shift. Music Express was as fun as it looked, Giant Wheel was alright, you saw nearly everything up there. Piovra... made me woozy, but I might go there again. Thunderbird, the wooden roller coaster... I nearly died fom panic. 1/4th of the short track and I already wanted out. Halfway I was in tears, just wanting to either get off or die...
Didn't have much time, but... maybe next time. On my free day.

Friday, June 22, 2012


At least I get money from this job... Saw the planes from the distance, nice show, it seemed.

I should probably just... Get my ass off this chair and go move more things outta the way. Half of this room is clean, which is a feat. Maybe... tomorrow... after work. Earlir morning, but at least me and my sweetheart are gonna spend even few hours together after my shift.

I could still sleep

I felt anxious when I went to bed, then, just as I was settled to sleep, anxiety attack tried to hit me full force. My sweetheart got me calmed down enough, but still, I slept really poorly tonight too. I'm wondering am I really losing my sleep because of the unfinished cleaning that presses my mind, OR the job. I need to be at work around11:30, rather before that, so I could still snooze. I'm really tired, listening to Bon Jovi's I'll Sleep When I'm Dead again. Part of me says fuck this shit and wants to hit the hay. I just might. If I have some time after clearing at least some space down here.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Song for today: Alone In Heaven

Not too bad workday, my workpartner was quiet. And I am not, but we got along. Left early. I should pack away my stuff. I actually have packed some of my books away already. I'm not giving up my history books, actually.
I guess I'm learning. I feel like going for a jog or  bicycle ride. I should. I really, really should. I want these extra kilos off my frame.
I'm feeling considerably better, now that I know that I will be getting a life of my own in two months. This work is an obstacle, but... I guess I can get over it ^^

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I just wanna live while I'm alive

I got accpted into two colleges, Ikaalinen and Lappia's Tervola division. Sure, designing and sewing clothes has been my dream for years, but interior textile further away from home won, it had my darling on its side anyway. And of course gramps decided to go all prissy. Feels like he does not understand of concept one's own life. It's my life, I choose where to go and and a get a profession. I can always go to the next school after that. I'm 21, I still have time. Friends have been extremely supportive too, unlike my family, who shows no support whatsover.

I have packed smaller boxes already, but just have to wait and see what I can get into thos big ones. I'm seriously getting out of here. WITH my car. Never without it. How the hell I'm supposed to move out when the school is kilometres away from train station?! He does not think and he has been very irritating recently. I have never been this frustrated of them.

I've decided not to give a a flying fuck in the desert about them. This is my life, I just gotta get a hold of it. I have a chance to move out in two months, if lucky ^^ I'm close to a life of our own without the meddlers like my "family", I can taste it.

Wow, I don't remember when I had a good day like this the last time. Sweet bejesus. Here's a plalist of my day. Enjoy.

Bon Jovi - It's My Life
Bon Jovi - Have a Nice Day
Bon Jovi - I'll Sleep When I'm Dead
Stratovarius - Darkest Hours
Sonata Arctica - Shitload of Money
Sonata Arctica - Cinderblox
Sonata Arctica - Don't Say a Word
Prozzak - Switch Blade
Northern Kings - Don't Bring Me Down
Motoko Kumai - Go Ahead. Bokura no jidai e
Marie Serneholt - I Need a House
Kelly Osbourne - Papa Don't Preach
Jonathan Evans & Gerard Tevlin - I'm Not Going Down
Nickelback - When We Stand Together
Indica - Linnansa Vanki
Gwen Stefani - What Are You Waiting For
Good Charlotte - I Just Wanna Live
Dreamtale - Powerplay
Fall Out Boy - I Don't Care
Daniel LeBlanc & Creighton Doane - Rise Above The Storm
Lafee - Ring Frei
Sick Puppies - You're Going Down
Sonata Arctica - Peacemaker
Skylight feat. Tony Kakko - Devil Down
Rebeka Dremelj - Vrag Naj Vzame (To Hell With It)
Mudd - Underdog

Saturday, June 16, 2012

They keep twisting the knife

This has not exactly been my week. On Monday, I screwed up my workshift, Tuesday was not too bad. Wednesday... I think I went to Kauhava, then to movies with my sweetheart. Snow White and the Huntsman. I warmly recommend it. I was certain the Twilight actress would ruin it and that only Theron and Hemsworth (what a hunk) would save it. It was Theron who kind of... blew it. Her accent was irritating.
Then, in came THE PAIN. I haven't been that much in pain since... well, for a while. I took two 500mg painkillers, I nearly fell asleep while sitting up. I was tender even the next day. I was taken for an ice cream <3
Forgot to mention, I found The Avengers poster from the theater. For free! Made my night.
Well, Friday workshift went considerably better, until I screwed up again. I keep making mistakes and as a result, nearly fall into panic, because I do not want to make mistakes. I have a feeling I need another job and soon. Two more workdays until I have three days off. I work the whole midsummer, which is not cool. What was I thinking with this job?! Instead of making me stronger, it is tearing me apart in my head!
I also got accepted into a school, I just need to confirm it. It is not the school I wanted, but I have time until the end of the month, waiting for the top 3 options to send ANY information. My better half already got a letter from one, not accepted, but it's still better to know even that, than be left hanging, right? I do not know should I accept. Darling says that I should accept it, unless we both get to the same school.
I am at loss, of what to do. I just want to scream and break something.

Yet nobody can tell me what to do... in order to do things right...

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Hit me once more, there is no blood on the floor yet

I hate this place. And this surely is NOT gonna be my week. Monday was hell, yesterday seemed better, until the end of my shift, when Monday's mistakes came to slap me in the face. They always do. And I never learn from my mistakes, I just keep making them... I nearly had an anxiety attack last night... I hope my fiancée can get me to calm down. We are gonna go see Snow White and the Huntsman. I don't like that one-expression woman from the shitty mock-vampire movie, but Hemsworth and Theron <3

Friday, June 8, 2012

Not this way

After the first customer came and I realized I remembered nothing, I felt like Loki here. Not fun. Almost had an anxiety attack on top of it on the lunch break... I went to give breaks for the Satumaa workers, despite the two brats pulling the tail, bell and the skirt of the cow costumes I was wearing, I had fun, it made me realize I preferred that over the ticket booth shifts.
Then I felt like this:

Gifs are from Tumblr, I did not make these. I'm incapable of such thing.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Somewhere, something went horribly wrong with me

Considering I was raised by a family filled with sickeningly curious and gosspiy people, surrounded by equally nosy neighbors, I've only managed to transform my curiosity into a lust for more knowledge. Give me books and I read them right away. Start telling me what a distant relative or a former friend is doing... Painful death by my hands is very near. I just simply have no desire to know what the fuck are they up to. They aren't that close to me, so why bother telling me because I have no interest whatsoever?

I make my own family, I have friends and my sweetheart of course. Even their lives are their own business. A friend might be talking about his/her new job, I don't even ask what they are doing. My penfriends are always telling me to ask questions about their life, of what I want to know. I've never really known what to ask. I rarely start messenger convos anymore. They say my convo starters are the funniest sometimes because they are so random. Yeah, mayhaps. I rarely believe what positive people say about me anymore. I'm still like that, but maybe a little... less like that.

Feel free to fire questions at me, if there is anyone to do so ^^


Had really fun in the Marvel night, never had the chance to watch Iron Mans, but we'll might take round two someday. Never expected the only guy in the group to be a blonde metalhead with long hair. He was nice.
I got my new work schedule, which will most likely tire me out in no time, I'm already exhausted. I got over 77 € from the few days I've been working. I will be working... 7th, 8th, 11th, 12th, 15th, 16th, 17th, 21st, 22nd, 23rd, 24th, 25th, 28th and 29th. Fuck me sideways...

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Two things

My day at work was cold and wet.


This is what is going on in my friend circle:
The only guy in the group is not very welcome in the eyes of our second youngest member. We others are pretty much like these lionesses. Shame, he's a nice guy, but she just can't be in the same room with him. I understand though.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Well that went well

No hitches during the Kemi-Tornio trip. My contract with the workshop ended, which leaves me both relieved but also irked, since my grandparents tend to drive me crazy. I have another workday tomorrow and Marvel movie day with friends on Sunday.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Drop it on me

Moving trip went cool, fooled around a bit. Got souveniers from London. One of them is a magnificent Velociraptor skeleton. Anubis and Horus figurines, Peridot necklace, a card. Lovely ^^
I was completely wiped after driving 900km and carrying boxes up and down stairs.
Next was friend's graduation party. I'm still awake. My significant other is asleep on my couch. I don't wanna sleep, I know my grandparents are gonna be up in a half an hour or so. I should be writing the essay, might as well start now. I gotta write a page about my future as an artist, then buy and print train tickets. Yup. Gramps is up. *sigh* I hate living here...

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Sunday, May 20, 2012


Sorry about not writing so often as I should.
Had a friend drive around in my car, she did rather well. Saw brief moments from Russia beating Finland (YEAAAH) and watched Iron Man. Robert Downey Junior... You are almost as old as my dad and you make me try to get rid of my pants. WOAH. Honestly. Anyways. After that, I sneaked to watch The Avengers for the third time. Planning to go get somesort of Shawarma tomorrow, (kebab) and then, maybe fourth round of Avengers. Too much win in that movie. It's addictive, and hello, I'm helping my favorite movie make more money.

That movie has addicted so many people. Looking at it, the casting is perfect, dialogue... oooooh snap those burns. The plot, the character interactions, the awesome CGs and just... It was so brilliant.

I'm in a tight spot though. I gotta do lot of things. Clean up (this room is the only that hasn't been cleaned up a year almost, I should do the file for the school, go help my sweetheart in moving back here. 450km trip means I gotta leave with the sunrise. Some work to do also, a movie night with slasher friends. I'm so stressed out I think I might lose my shit soon.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Under my umbrella

Goddamn, it rained the whole last night. Had a day off, which, so far, I've hated to the core. This place, is worse than Arkham Asylum, and THAT is saying something. Holy fuck...

Nicked from Tumblr, tagged The Avengers. Browse, you will find all these. I did not make these.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Are you man enough

Holy shit, I need to see that movie again. It was the best thing ever. It's well on its way of becoming the most succesful movie ever, since it is, hands down, the best movies ever made. I was soooo late from work this morning because of it. The soundtrack was just way too cool.
Got a message from my darling last night and I nearly started crying, I really miss her. I want to go and see the movie with her too. She must see it. Thé fancircle needs to expand. EXPAND I TELL YOU! She liked Thor already, so I know she will love it. I hope she can cope with my intensive fangirling.
Workshop day was alright. We spent majority of the day outside, playing games. I was soooooo tired when I got back, I just barely coped for an hour before going to pass out for two and a half hours.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

You got me wondering

Plan of action for tomorrow:
-Go fetch a friend-Go buy Iron Man and Captain America movies
-Go see The Avengers again
-Squeal like a little piggy at the awesomeness.
 -Go back online bother everyone with The Avengers.

That's pretty much what I've been doing. Screaming and fangirling after Avengers. And Loki. Holy hell what a movie. Some people are puking rainbows, some shoot a rainbow load, I see rainbows and float among them. Holy hell that movie is perfection.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

I am a patriot, you're my land

Holy shit. Saw The Avengers today, finally and MOTHER OF GODS was it AWESOME! A movie full of pure win. PURE WIN, I TELL YOU!


Monday, May 7, 2012

You're not the boss of me now

Fuck... The fabric paint on my Cain's Offering is partially cracked. AFTER FIRST WASH! Why do I have a feeling granny's "hand wash" is actually a stone wash? On top of all, she managed to stretch the bottom of the shirt while hanging it to dry. I feel like crying. And they keep wondering why I want the hell outta here? How about being able to do my own laundry so nobody destroys my clothes... Enough mishapen clothes for a lifetime in 5 years...
 It was stinking of cow shit and piss outside as soon as I got to Haapakoski and Tiistenjoki, the ultimate countryside... I nearly drove to the ditch when the stench hit from the car air vents... Ew... I just remembered why I hate spring in here. Constant shit and piss stink...

Just heard that if I was a cat, I would be:
Interesting. Really.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

I cannot cry, 'cause the shoulder cries more

Second day at work done, went a tiny bit better. Still lot of things I don't know and I need to get better and faster, but thankfully I get help and today, the customers were understanding. It was my second day, after all. Shame only one Russian came to my booth.
Oh well, I have my own stuff to  do, alongside of  writing fantasy with my significant other. Workshop tomorrow morning, this hasn't been my best weekends, seriously. I've been exhausted all week.
I hear Police Academy movie from the TV. I'm gonna watch Underworld: Rise of the Lycans now though. I've seen all Police Academy movies. Wish I could go see The Avengers soon.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

No matter what, now sit, watch and learn

Great. Why did I agree to go to Ikata for entrance exams, when I seriously don't want to go to that place?! I'm an idiot. Nothing more. 168km via the route I'm going to take. I'm exhaused already. *sigh*

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Can't touch this

I just wanna be myself

Glorious MayDay and all. I'm cleaning up my rooms and oh my goddess was my bedroom DUSTY! I had to leave my door open after I left. I still need to drag the hoover up there, wonder where gramps is, I might need help with the rug. Oh well, I'll just rape it with the vaccuum extra well. Perhaps I will have time to clean up my car as well.


Monday, April 30, 2012

I'll sleep when I'm dead

If the world gets in my face...

...I say: Have a nice day.

Saturday went differently than planned, but loved it anyway. I (once again) managed to take up too much time and we got to the bar around 9 or so, never had the chance to get to sing some karaoke, when The Valiants came to set up their gear. Gotta admit, 70's rock is actually good. Catchy as hell. Met some interesting people, but most importantly, got to spend time with my sweetheart. That is the only thing that matters.

Sunday was a different day. We went to Vaasa, visited my sister and nephew, plus a friend living there. Had fun, despite getting lost (nothing a good look at the map couldn't fix) twice. The weather was pretty much perfect: sunny and warm. Blasting Bon Jovi's greatest hits from the stereos. Listening those now too, actually. I spent the night elsewhere than home, which felt heavenly. Too restless to sleep properly though.

Went to the workshop pretty much on time (more or less) and we all ended up just doing nothing. Now I'm sitting here, while others are partying hard out there. I'm tired but content. Alcoholic mead, but one glass isn't gonna tip me over (haven't eaten much).  I'll go get the Pommac now. Maybe put a movie rolling, dunno. This is my preparation to MayDay. I'm actually planning to clean up, sitting here in the new Cain's Offering shirt and my pajama pants.

Slice of Life: Whirlwind end of summer

I'm still rather windswept with everything that happened. Am now a moderator of a doll group, thanks to my ability to detach my emotions...