Email to Cassie Ho
Found your vids through my halfsister, I find your positive attitude contagious and at first, it made me start the beginners calendar and some assorted workouts to get my body to how I would like to see it. 30kg lighter (at least 25) and have at least a little tighter body. I fell short on all attempts. I... I can't keep up my motivation and they often fell apart THAT time of the month, when I was in too much pain and couldn't get away from bathroom to do what I wanted. Always restarting and restarting and just... not getting anywhere.
Moved to a new home with my now wife and yet again, I keep falling short. She is less enthusiastic about moving and that kills my joy of moving around, because I have hard time doing things alone, everything is more fun when done in good company, everyone knows this. I... I've always been plump, runs in the family and my granny, who raised me, shot me down once (and hard), saying that I would never lose weight, I was just like her. I had always been called fat and hated my looks that it was like punch to the gut. Last time I saw her, she begged me to lose weight so I wouldn't get sick. I know it, but I lack drive. Motivation. Space.
I know the problem is within me, but I don't know how to get on and actually change my life around. There is the want, the need, but... something is missing. I wish I could look at my wedding photo with a smile, but I look at it with disgust, at how bad the situation is...
I don't have money to join in to PIIT28 or anything and with my hopeless lack of motivation, it would be just waste of it, I know I'd fail it anyway. I know that attitude doesn't get me anywhere anyway, but... it's realism, really.
Well... if you read this miserable email, thank you and congrats for actually making it through.