Wow. Just received a text message from the ticket-sale boss from Powerpark. She wasn't kidding that I'd be the first whom to contact if there will be a vacancy as the ticket salesperson. There'd be a spot now. I'm rather contradicted, since I found more interesting place, but the window and door manufacturer won't be announcing anything in ages. I don't know which way is up. Accepted the place so far... It is left to be seen does this drive me crazy in a week like the telemarketing summer job did.
Currently trying to listen some music and ignore my granny, who has nearly constant verbal diahrrea. Not that I'd want her to keep her mouth shut, it's just that she's always talkng nonsense to me. Letting the rambles pass through my ears is what I do, constantly, but it is rather tiring. I don't care of the soap operas or what shows she watched, even the old memories she brings up aren't new to me. It comes sadly clear that she doesn't really have anyone else to talk to, but me and gramps.
Things seem to be going better, now that I'm shutting up as much as I can in the workshop. It's the least I can do. I know my sense of humor is more cruel and twisted than some Finns and I whine and bitch when I'd have (in my priorities) more important things to do. Decided I keep my trap shut. Easiest solution to maaaaaany things.
I don't always realize when I'm hurting people, I really don't. I seemingly lash out unconsicously at people, verbally. Makes me feel like I never do anything right, I keep screwing up and that makes me more and more scared to do things, because I don't want to make mistakes and fuck things up again and again. Life is never simple, but for someone like me, who is lost with herself and drowns in different feelings at once, life is a nightmare. I feel all those eyes on me, ready to drop the blade of the guillotine or bring the axe down on my neck. Problem is, they use dull blades and even duller axes. Life is kind of a slow, agonizing death by an amateur executioner.
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